The Language of Life

Are congratulations in order???

2011-05-31T21:07:00.004-05:00

So I'm 5 months pregnant and intially I wasn't excited. A baby is a LOT of work. I just thought I had more time. As I'm going along and I start feeling the baby move and I get ready to find out the sex I'm getting more excited. One thing that I am really unhappy about is getting behind in school. I don't think I'm going to take any classes this fall. Maybe I'll pick back up in the spring. It scares me because I don't want to take a break and never go back. I also like to think I am a very focused person. It makes me nervous that I won't finish and make my goals. I don't want this baby to hinder me from doing anything. There are still a lot of things I want to do. I can see this baby being the end of my progress.
Then my marriage isn't exactly financially stable and with a baby it'll be even harder to make it be. So much to worry about.
I wish I could see the future.

Ready to get up Out

2011-04-18T17:44:00.005-05:00

I live with my mother in law and husband. They share bills. I'm sick of it. Bout to start a family and have made no progress. He has no job. I work part time. He is up their ass all the time. Thinking he just has no rush and all the time in the world. Well excuse me sir, I live in reality. I come home to everything that belongs to someone else. I'm ready to be independent. I must be the only one.

We Are NOT Invincible

2011-01-20T09:10:00.003-06:00

So yesterday I found out something crazy about someone I'm close to. It makes me think so much. We really have to be careful in life because we never know what could happen to us when we don't think. Thats why I try to be so careful. The sayin that you only live once. I never really agreed with that. Because to me when people say that it's gives them an excuse to get reckless. We are not invincible.
The person that I'm close to just found out they have HIV.
I was speechless when I heard. When they came home I knew something was wrong because the person didn't say hi when they walked in. Come to find out later that they are in they're room crying.
When I find out, I can't help but think of the stereotypes about people with HIV. I don't want to run away everytime I see this person. But it's hard because I've never dealt with someone like this before and I'm wonderin if I can still treat this person the same.
I suppose nows the time read and educate myself on the subject. Thank goodness that medicine has advanced the way it has. And that people are living better lives. It's still so crazy to me. I'm waiting for someone to say it was all a joke.
I know thats not going to happen.....

Update 1

2010-12-02T21:12:00.003-06:00

I actually have something to update on. I got a job at a Hy-Vee near my house. I've been working there for about a month now. Mainly to save up for a car. I am also winding down my first semester of grad school. Lots a papers to complete right now. I also applied for a job at the airport a while back and it's been a endless process. Step1: a background check. Step 2: a computer test over english and object recognition. Step 3: a interview and a isokinetic test Step 4: filling out this long ass government packet and calling them when I'm finished.

This is how far I am in the process. You have to pass every step before you continue on to the next and so far so good. Hopefully with all this work I get the job. It pays better than Hy-Vee. Also recently my fiance' lost his job.

Traveling the World

2010-08-16T01:47:00.003-05:00

Contrary to popular belief. I REALLY want to travel. I always have. At some point in my life I seriously want to go all around the world. I just have to get financially stable first. I want to go back to London among other places. I don't think people truly know how much and how appealing traveling is to me. Once I've been married for a little bit, before I have kids, I wanna travel maybe with some friends or whoever. I might even go by myself. Thats how serious I am. Just a random note.

Mushy Stuff 2

2010-08-16T01:31:00.002-05:00

It is rare that I actually feel inspired to write with all my emotions. This is one of those times. I love my fiancee so much. I've reached a point where its become comfortable and I feel that I am working on the things I need to change. Everyday I'm more sure of how much I love and want to spend my life with this man. That being said, I feel guilty at times because I want to take him away from his family. I know his family will always be around, I guess I'm just ready for it to be about us. I know that would entail me taking more responsibility in the relationship. That is something I am willing to do. Although I feel I'm not truly prepared. When I'm actually put in the situation, I think that I will flourish. I am ready to ultimately be a wife. I feel I'm more mentally prepared than anything. I just have to get actions in sync with the mental.

Bucket List: Draft 1

2010-07-14T06:02:00.002-05:00

I was watching a youtube video and it inspired me to make my bucket list. This will be a prelimary short version as I have not thought it through all the way. I just wanted to get a couple ideas down. Well here goes.
1. Go to Michael Jackson's grave
2. Meet Denzel Washington

Music Monday

2010-07-12T04:12:00.000-05:00

Love Lyfe he always has substance to his music and a good message.

Happy 100th to me!!

2010-07-11T23:12:00.005-05:00

This is my 100th post by the way. I feel like a lot has developed but at the same time nothing at all since my last post. Well I managed to get a job interview at a bank and I took a test for another job for the state of Missouri. This is good but the return hasn't been nearly as great as the amount of jobs I applied for. Still I'm thankful for the interview.
In relationship news there have been talks of getting an apartment, saving for a wedding, and allocation of bills. Most of which have caused a series of arguments. The resulting conclusion I have made is that when it comes down to going the extra mile its gonna be up to me because it seems I can't depend on my other half....and that bothers me. Enough said.
I'm ready to get things moving in my life at a ...perhaps more accelerated pace. As soon as I get a job I'll be able to have a better outlook on how to move forward.

Growth

2010-06-20T20:55:00.004-05:00

I feel I am growing as a individual. I am learning things about myself and how to change them. I am learning from the people in my life. I'm thankful for the people in my life. I feel like I am truly growing into an adult. I am learning how to forgive. Some things that in the past that have kept me from seeing the impact certain people have made in my life are no longer issues. From my fiancee' I'm learning to be selfless instead of selfish. The thing I really love about him is how it seems like he gives wholeheartedly. It almost amazes me. Truly. It seems like he always puts others before himself. This is something I have yet to master. I need to learn to be concerned for others more than myself. From him I am also learning how to love someone else. From him I am learning the importance of family. I'm learning forgiveness. For example it's father's day and my father has not been around since I was younger. I'm not at the point where I can totally forgive him but I feel like I am starting to not use it as a source of anger or of not caring. I'm starting to look at things from a different angle. It's a continual process. Growth.

Checklist

2010-06-09T17:32:00.002-05:00

Well I'm happy to say I can check one thing off my checklist for grad school (mentioned in the previous blog)
1. License-complete
2. Car
3. Job
4. Grad School

Life (Caution: May be boring)

2010-06-08T01:22:00.003-05:00

Being the self proclaimed insomniatic that I am and having not written a blog in a while here goes.
I am currently in summer school for my final semester as a undergrad. I graduate July 29th and I must say I'm excited. Another thing that I'm excited about is being accepted into graduate school at Avila University. There I plan to get my masters in Counseling Psychology and become a Licensed Professional Counselor. But in the meantime, I have a few things to get done: 1. Get my license this month 2. Get a car 3. Get a job (to pay for grad school) 4. Attend grad school. I am on a time limit because I want to have goals 1-3 done before grad school starts at the end of August.
On to other things. The fiance' and I are good. Still need to set a date for the wedding and what not. The fam keeps saying we need to set a date and start getting stuff together. What I'm concerned with is the money. Nothings free. My fiance' has bills he's paying loans, phone bill, car note, and other stuff. He can't really afford to move out. When I wanted to discuss ways he could save money and setting a date. He got all mad talkin bout he dont want me telling him what to do with his money. That was not my intent. I really just want us to start somewhere. I will contribute when I get a job. He acts like he can't start by his self. It frustrates me because I think that he is being kind of prideful. If I was the only one with income I would start saving for OUR future. I don't understand his issue. We've been engaged for a little over a year and have nothing accomplished not even a date set.

Music Monday

2010-05-10T21:52:00.001-05:00

Good song

Would you rather date a lot of different people, or be in a committed relationship?

2010-04-28T01:47:00.001-05:00

Definitely be in a committed relationship.

Ask me anything

Who and when was your first kiss?

2010-04-28T01:46:00.001-05:00

Ooo sometime in elementary school.

Ask me anything

Sneakers or sandals?

2010-04-28T00:58:00.001-05:00

I think I like sandals better.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

2010-04-27T18:57:00.001-05:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/CourtneyJ87

TMI Tuesday #234 - Celeb Edition

2010-04-27T15:05:00.003-05:00

Who is one celebrity you would like to:

Cuddle? Johnny Depp
Elope with? Denzel Washington
Love? Will Smith
Excite beyond words? Marlon Wayans
Bang? Brian White
See in bed with their current fling? Robin Thicke and Paula Patton

Bonus (optional):Tell us about one encounter (if any) that you've had with a celebrity.
Haven't really had any. I've seen Lil Romeo and John Sally from afar long ago.

Music Monday

2010-04-26T17:10:00.000-05:00

I really like this song for some reason.

TMI Tuesday #233 - (Repost of #72)

2010-04-20T19:39:00.002-05:00

TMI Tuesday #233 - (Repost of #72)

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story?
Commando is sexy.It always best when one party or the other doesn't know your commando.

2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?
I think there is and at that point I call it teasing.....and I HATE being teased.

3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww?
It's good both ways but I like giving it better than recieving it. It gives me some control.

4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?
One is not nearby enough for me and he would not like if I just had one.

5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work."
Oh hell yes! I would have to say I like morning sex.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name?
Nope, never will. Not my my thing.

Music Monday

2010-04-12T07:22:00.001-05:00

The cut for real!

TMI Tuesday-Sexual Healing

2010-04-06T09:09:00.005-05:00

TMI Tuesday #231 - Sexual Healing

1. Name one thing that turns you on with unprecedented success.
Anything having to do with my breasts

2. Quick! Look around you and name 3 ordinary items that could be used sexually.
1. lotion 2. water bottle 3. camera

3. Do you consider sex good even if you don't orgasm?
sometimes

4. If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what sexual position or act would you like to experience from the other side?
I would like to experience head

5.Describe a sexual fantasy in 10 words or less.
rough passionate sex

Bonus (optional): Pretend you're a doctor and a patient has come in with an "ache". What is your course of "treatment"?
Ejaculation relieves all lifes worries.

Mushy Stuff

2010-04-04T03:35:00.003-05:00

So I spent most of Spring Break with my fiancee'. It's so crazy how we don't like being apart. I know its sickening to some people. I love him so much. This weekend it seems like its been getting deeper. He tells me how happy he is and it feels good. I feel like we've reached a new level. I can honestly say I want to spend my life with him.
On a side note: I been getting wild lately with the drinkin and doing and thinking things I shouldn't. But when I sober up I think about how much I would loose if I acted upon anything. Cuz honestly I have a good man. And it makes me appreciate him so much more.
Thats also why I need to slow down on the drinkin and what not because god forbid I do something I shouldn't. It wouldn't be worth it.
He takes care of me and I know he will be a good husband and provider. I still need to work on my part of the deal, because I don't really cook. I also saw Why did I get Married Too? In the movie something happens that made me think that I need to get our myself because in the end it doesn't matter.

Love Still Scares Me

2010-04-02T18:16:00.004-05:00

So I was talking to my roommate today and she was talking about her ex and what not. We get to the end of the conversation and she says, "I love you." I hesitate because I don't know what to say. Love is serious whether its a friend or not. It's not something that I just throw around. In the end I said it back. But it got me thinking, I felt like scared to say back because 1. I really don't know you. 2. I didnt want to hurt her feelings by not sayin it. You would think that since I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years love would not seem so foreign to me.
But ultimately love still scares me.

Molly's

2010-04-02T17:53:00.002-05:00

Molly's is the club at my school that everyone goes to. It's crackin on Thursdays. So I went yesterday. As usual I got my drinks and hit the floor. This particular night was kind of special because our friends had just turned 19 so it was their first time being able to go. The night started off kind of slow until I started feeling the drinks. I was dancing and not having a care in the world. At the end of the night I had danced with 5 dudes an all time high for me. One of the dudes included FINE. Now this whole semester we've went to Mollys and never danced together. I was off in a corner adjusting myself and taking off my shoes (so if any future prospects approached I could get down). FINE says, "Come here Courtney" and I was happy to oblige. I turned around and we danced for a song that seemed too short.

I just want to take this moment to say that FINE does some things to me that I can't explain. I just see him and I think dirty thoughts. He makes me wish I was single again.

Any who, we finished dancing and I went about my business. The club ended and we tried to find an after party. The one we heard about ended up being wack so we went back to the room. Getting in at around 2:30am.
In the morning I woke up for my eight o'clock class and was barely tired.

Music Monday

2010-03-22T15:14:00.001-05:00

Guilty Pleasure ;)

Hotel, Lap dances, and the Liq

2010-03-22T14:35:00.003-05:00

So Friday my Spring Break officially began. I left campus with my roommate. Our plan was to drop off my girl then hit up this hotel party. We went to the Get it Girls house to drop her off. We chilled there for a minute, then we made a trip to Apple Market to get some liquor. Our usual liquor of choice is UV which is 30 percent. They did not have UV so we left with a bottle of Smirnoff which is 40 percent. Needless to say I was kind of apprehensive. After what seemed like years of driving we finally made it to the hotel. When we walked in there were like a bunch of dudes and 1 other girl besides us. I was like this is gonna be wack. I didn't want to get drunk around all these people I didn't know so I was kinda cautious at first. My roommate went ahead and hit the bottle. She was definitely getting tipsy. I felt I had to supervise with all these unknown n****s around. But they left eventually and I got loose. There were 2 dudes we knew there. One was the birthday boy the other....F-I-N-E!!! Any who I eventually got gon enough to give birthday boy a lap dance. Which I'm pretty sure was to his liking. Then I asked for a lap dance from FINE. I sat in the chair and he was like get on the bed. I was like coo. Thinking it would be him just backing it up on me. Booy was I wrong. He got between my legs and began to grind. Did I mention he was in his draws? Well he flipped me to the side back and forth. He needed to stop playin because man he could get it right then and there. After it was over I tried to regain my composure. Him, my roommate, and I went to the gym and was playin around. He kept feelin on us and trying to come with us into the bathroom. The night ended with my roomie and I sleeping in one of the hotel beds together. The birthday boy let us have the bed and he slept on the couch. FINE slept in the other bed. We left early that morning.

St Pattys Day

2010-03-18T08:48:00.002-05:00

Ok so I wasn't sure if I wanted to go out or not for St Pattys Day but I did. My roomie and I grabbed the UV thats illegally stored in our fridge on campus and headed to my friends off campus apartment. We drank a little. Played a little truth or dare which involved me taking off my bra and humping the fridge. Then we went to go meet up with my roommates friend that came up. We went to this seemingly abandoned house in the boondocks of Maryville.
It started off kinda slow. I didn't think I was gonna have fun because it was mostly WPs. But then a game of beer pong got started which I played for the first time. I had already been sipping on the UV. I was definitely feeling myself by the time I left.
Ok so the whole plan was that we were going to go to Mug Night at this bar called the Palms. This game of beer pong and what not was not originally part of the plan. So we get to Mug Night and of course I fill up.
At this point I think I'm officially drunk.
We chill there for a little bit. Then we go to burger king. I'm in the car spilling all my deepest desires. Using all kinds of expletives. I was texting the "Get it Girl" all night asking her to come over because I wanted to feel on her booty. She was like she was scared.....and boi she shoulda been. But she ended up not coming over and it was probably for the best. I got back to the room and was knocked. I snored like never before. This was the best St Pattys Day ever!!

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

2010-03-16T10:38:00.007-05:00

Just a thought.....where have Wednesday Weirdness and TMI Tuesday disappeared to?

Anywho, I don't really feel like writing out a long detailed blog so I'ma just cut to the chase.

The relationship is still going great. We've had talks of trying some new things...I'll leave it at that. Those I've talked to know what it is.

I'm still in school, spring break is at the end of this week. So far I'm on track for summer graduation. Although, I do want to raise a few grades. I also managed to make a few good homies. We kick it too hard.

Speaking of friends, one of my girls.....yea she could get it. I mean I already kinda did my experimenting thing in high school but boi! She keep playing and I'ma have to take it. All I have to say is don't let me get drunk strange things could happen.

Moving on to less happy things......

Lately, I've been wanting to delete this "friend" from my life. I thought I could wait til I graduated but.. uh.. she's pushing it. When we're together we don't really have that natural friend vibe, when we go to the bar she kills my buzz because she doesn't dance and she just talks. How I managed to put up with her these past 4 years I will never know. But it has to stop. I think that as of right now I made the executive decision to remove her from y life....she has just been deleted. Permanently.

Music Monday

2010-03-01T21:51:00.001-06:00

My girl Nicki on the track.

Really like this song.

TMI Tuesday #223 - Masturbation Edition

2010-01-26T12:24:00.002-06:00

TMI Tuesday #223 - Masturbation Edition
1. When you masturbate, how long, typically, is your session and what do you think about (other than having an orgasm)?
It usually doesn't take long if im doing it right. I think about my husband.

2. Have you ever been "caught" masturbating?
Nope Im a pro

3. Have you ever masturbated in front of your computer? If 'yes' was it for your own purposes or for someone's viewing pleasure?
Yes for my own

4. Have you ever attended a group masturbation party? Same-sex or mixed?
HELL NO

5. When masturbating, as you reach orgasm, do you continue to stimulate yourself without interruption, or do you stop and apply pressure until your spasms subside? Or?
It depends on how Im feeling but most the time I just ride it out.

6. Have you ever video'ed yourself while masturbating (solo)? Where are they now?
No

Bonus (as in optional): How often do you use the word "fuck" (or its derivatives) in casual conversation - frequently, occasionally, rarely, never.
I rarely use. Only when I'm drunk lol

Music Monday

2010-01-25T10:51:00.003-06:00

Cut

Mario is SEXY. AND he's having a threesome.

Time For Change

2010-01-25T10:31:00.002-06:00

A lot of things have went on that don't have the energy to talk about right now but what I do wanna talk about is my husband. He has applied for numerous promotions (at least 18) at his job and has been passed up eveytime. It really frustrates me that he keeps not getting them. Especially when I know he's good at what he does. He likes to be the best and he is. But he can't seem to get promoted and he is emotionally drained. He used to be the first at work and the last one to leave. He used to motivate others to do better but lately he's been coming in late , texting me countdowns of how much time he has left at work because he's ready go, he's starting to not care. He wants to find a new job and I can't blame him. He gets no appreciation because he was working hard when no one else cared. So he's gonna look into a job as teacher and maybe go back to school. It's definitely time for a change.

TMI Tuesday

2010-01-12T10:39:00.000-06:00

Would you rather.....

1. Have eyes that always smile or a voice that makes people calm?
Eyes that smile...idk why but I like my eyes

2. Have an affair and your partner catches you or your partner have an affair and you catch him/her?
Id rather catch my partner having an affair because then id know. And I can take the appropriate action

3. Have better sex or more money?
More money

4. Be able to read everyone’s mind all the time or always know the future?
Read peoples mind definitely. I like knowing peoples true motives

5. Your partner have sex with someone else or fall in love with someone else?
This is a toughy. If we mean sex in the way its viewed nowadays. Then Id rather him have sex with someone else because that doesn't necessarily mean anything outside of the moment. Love is a serious decision that requires emotional connection.

Bonus (as in optional): What one thing, big or small, would you change in your life if granted one wish by a lamp-bound genie? Why?
Another toughy and I can not honestly think of one thing at the moment. Though I know there are many.

Music Monday

2010-01-11T20:31:00.001-06:00

Like this song. Especially my girl Nicki Minaj

Another cut I like

TMI Tuesday #218 - Merry Christmas

2009-12-22T13:53:00.002-06:00

TMI Tuesday #218 - Merry Christmas

1. What do present do you hope ends up under you tree?
A laptop

2. What is the "naughtiest" thing you have ever done under a Christmas tree?
Maybe this is just me but is there really room to do anything significant under a christmas tree? Maybe I'm not creative enough.

3. Do you prefer to give or receive?
I think I prefer giving a little bit more

4. What is your favorite part off a sexual partner's body?
I like lips and the lower half ;)

5. What is your favorite part your body - the one you hope a sexual partner will find or pay the most attention to?
I like my eyes and my waist

Bonus (as in optional): [Idea blatently stolen from Os and hist HNT wishes.] What Christmas wishes would you grant and to whom?
I don't have any specific ones.

Music Monday

2009-12-21T11:53:00.001-06:00

Music Monday

2009-12-14T18:48:00.003-06:00

I love Alicia Keys

Brand' Nu aka Brandy Raps
It's pretty good

Wonderment

2009-12-12T08:44:00.006-06:00

After much consideration and discussion with JLH of editing this blog I decided against it. I'd rather leave things open to interpretation and questions.

This may seem offensive to some but that is not my intent. I have this group project for my class. I happened upon one of my group members facebook pages. Under religious views she put athiest. Now I'm fine with this. I kind of had a inkling one time when we made a trip to Wal-Mart to get group materials. Now she also says open minded. Maybe its the Christian in me but I was like how are you a athiest but your open minded? Idk the two just didn't seem to fit to me. I'm not saying that being open minded means you have to accept everything (the belief in God) but there seems to be some link there. I mean if your so open minded what makes you want to count out the possible existence of God? I am very interested to hear reasons. And this is not at all a challenge of any kind. I am just genuinely curious.

Just a Few Things

2009-12-10T07:29:00.003-06:00

Ok so you know that Genetics test that I was talking about? Well I'm pretty sure I failed it and this is after studying all week and then from 9pm-1:30am the night before. You can't say I didn't try. So that being said I decided to change my minor to Sociology. I wouldn't meet my goal of graduating on time, instead I would graduate in the Summer around July 29th. This is not too bad. I refuse to come back again in the fall.
In other news the hubby has a interview for assistant manager today. He really deserves it he works hard. It's been well overdue. Wish him luck!
Yesterday my school had a snow day. This was great. I could have been more productive but oh well. I wish we could have another snow day today but ya can't have it all. My Christmas break starts Dec 17. I'm excited but break is shorter than it was last year and I have to come back early to work. Ugh.
This is my favorite season. Not winter I hate snow but Christmas time. It's not just about the presents but I really love the atmosphere of it. The smells, the music, everything. My birthday coming up on the 27th helps. I want to actually do something for it. Get out and club. Don't plan on being sober. Yup I'm expecting good times.

Music Monday

2009-12-07T18:41:00.002-06:00

I don't know why but theres something about Nicki Minaj I like.

Cut

Don't know why I like it.

STRESSED!!

2009-12-03T10:26:00.002-06:00

Ok usually I'm good at handling issues that arise and I don't let them get to me too much. But MAN.... This week has me stressed like a motha. I have 2 tests on Friday in classes that are required for my minor. So I have to get at least a C in one class to graduate and I'm hoping for at C in the other. These classes are far from easy (Genetics, Botany) and I've been trying to focus all my energy on really studying. Seems easy enough right? Well I also have a 5 page paper due tonight at midnight. I only have 1 and a half pages. Plus work takes up the time I could be studying. After work I want to just come back to my room and chill but....nope got studying to do. I'm actually trying to do well because with everything in me I'm determined to graduate on time. But it's hard trying to put forth your best effort in multiple things. I feel like I'm losing the fight. I've being trying to become a better Christian. I've been praying asking god to give me strength and understanding to do the work and graduate on time.

Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Psalms 37:4 KJV

I really want this. So I know whatever the outcome even if it's not what I want, It will work out for me in the end because God knows whats best.
And on that note, I have to go to class so.......

TMI Tuesday #215

2009-12-01T07:38:00.003-06:00

TMI Tuesday #215

1. What are your feelings about traditional bachelor/bachelorette parties?
I think I'm mostly ok with the traditional as long as it's not too crazy. I don't want a stripper molesting me though. And certain body parts are not touching my face. Don't ask me to do weird things. I mean just don't cross the line.

2. Do you wear (or not wear) something special to bed/dress differently when you want to have sex?
Um usually when I'm with my fiancee' the less I wear to bed. Sex or not.

3. Do you ever fake orgasms?
Maybe in a past life lol just kidding.

4. Do you own any leather or rubber clothing?
No...not yet ..;)

5. On a scale from 1-10, how willing are you to do something in bed you don't want to just because you are asked?
Um 4 or 5. I mean I like to try new things but it depends on what it is.

Bonus: Can men and women be "just friends?"
The question that has plagued mankind for centuries lol. I think they can remain friends even though one may have an attraction to the other.

Music Monday

2009-11-23T07:25:00.002-06:00

Love this song.

Trey is looking MIGHTY FINE here

I have to go to class but theres more to come.

Random

2009-11-19T15:49:00.005-06:00

I love this song it's so beautiful it's gonna be our first dance at my wedding.

1. What is more difficult: looking into someones eyes when telling how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they tell you how they feel?
Looking into someones eyes and telling them how I feel.

4. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
I would want to travel or wish to have unlimited money.

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love.
Love because I think that way trust is already in it.

6. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time youre fired. Do you save the dog?
Save the dog most definitely

8. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it?
Thats a tough one.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
yes

10. Does sex=love?
To me yes but in this society heck no.

11. Are you old fashioned?
I think so somewhat

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
Tell them I don't love them

15. Romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Today

17. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?
With me? Im thinking about a weapon or hiding but if I had to choose. It'd be Sauda or Jessica. Either is equally welcomed.

If You had three months to live:
21. Do you tell anyone or everyone you are going to die?
I only tell those I am close to

22. What do you do with your remaining days?
Live them the best way I can. I'm not one for reckless behavior.

23. Would you be afraid?
Definitely.

Pissed

2009-11-13T12:54:00.003-06:00

Ok, I can be quick tempered sometimes but I know that under these circumstances this is not the case. The circumstances in question you ask? My roommates. One of which I've known since elementary but I digress...
Now, I am not the cleanest or most neat freaked person in the world. But I do like to have some kind of order in my surroundings. This is where the "mates" come in. They seem to have no concept of picking up after yourself. Needless to say there are countless empty pop bottles, school books, homework papers, plastic bags, clothes, and clumps of hair and other unidentified food-like objects strewn across the living room. Not to mention the countless amounts of full trash bags in a heap behind the door to my actual room. Disgusted yet? I haven't even started on the bathroom. The toilet is slowly turning brown, inside the shower razors on the floor and a pile on the shelf along with a piece of soap. And even that's not all but for the sake of time I'll get to the point.
As you can imagine one can't live like this. So.... in a fit of rage. I took out all the trash in my room and the living room, cleaned the bathroom (including the nasty toilet), and vacuumed the floor. This I felt was sufficient enough for now.
What I don't understand is how they ("the mates") can live like that. It is utterly ridiculous. We are grown around here and we can't even put something in the trash or clean something up? And, we're all girls at that, usually the cleaner sex. It frustrates me so because it's so simple. It makes me not even want to see them. Their presence just frustrates me. Then there personalities irritate me sometimes. I don't care about all your homework or whatever the fuck you think is important. Don't ask me what I'm eating, watching, or listening to. Don't get loud and hyper at night ...go to sleep....and I hope it's the long one (that's not right I apologize) but they really drive me to that edge sometimes. Although, there still maybe a ray of hope yet...........
My roommate might not come back next semester so that means I have the room to myself. On the other hand though my other roommate will still be here complaining. I don't want to have to be the only one who has sense enough to clean. And it's looks like I might actually being staying up here this weekend and not going to my fiancees house soooo...you know what that means. UGH! And speaking of fiancee' he has been making me mad lately. It's whatever if you don't care, I don't. But that's another story entirely.

TMI Tuesday #209

2009-10-20T00:00:00.000-05:00

TMI Tuesday #209

1. Which ONE do you wish you had more of in bed... romance, experimentation or foreplay?
Actually, I think me and the hubby have a pretty good balance of all. I don't wanna pick but if I had to pick I think experimentation.

2. What is your worst habit?
I suck my thumb

3. Do you take compliments well?
I'd like to think so. It depends on the delivery.

4. Do you think more about the past, present or future?
With my nearing graduation, the future is something I've definitely invested some time and thought in.

5. Do you feel everyone has a soulmate?
Yes

Bonus (as in optional): "Where Would You Wish To Wake Up?"
I don't wanna be too cliche' but this is really how I feel....Next to the hubby in a beautiful house or hotel room somewhere exotic.

Vent

2009-10-12T18:58:00.002-05:00

Ok so I'm back in school and other stuff but thats not what we're here for.
I know I've mentioned her before but my sister..... She has frustrated me to no end just now. So I'm just perusing...yes perusing Facebook and I see a status. This status says: OCTOBER 20TH, 2009 WILL BE A VERY EMOTIONAL DAY. BUT I LOVE YALL DOUGH. So being the inquisitive and concerned sister I am. I Facebook chat her and ask whats up? She says: IM GOING TO TEXASS. I continue with the inquiry asking, How you getting there? Who paying? How long you stayin? She replies: LOL DANG MOMS IM FLYIN AND I ALREADY GOT THE TICKEY IDK HOW LONG DOUGH. I say: Who bought the ticket? Where you styin? She replies: I DID WITH GRANDMA FOOL
-------
I think now is a good place to pause for the cause.
As mentioned previously I have a problem with this. My sister insists on talking to my grandma from my dad's side. We haven't seen this woman since we were younger. She calls occasionally on holidays and birthdays.
Why does my sister think that it's ok to just pick up and leave? It really won't solve her problems. And why is my grandma (and I use that term loosely) taking her in? Is my sister moving suppose to help her get on her feet? She doesn't have a car or a job. She's still gonna be living under someone else's roof. In the past when she moved from place to place she didn't like it. I feel like it's gonna be the same. After a while, she's gonna want to leave. I just think it's pointless.

TMI Tuesday #205

2009-09-22T20:05:00.003-05:00

TMI Tuesday #205
1. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Kanye West, Jay-Z, there is more

2. You seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Save some. Probably just by some necessities with the rest.

3. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
I would go back to 1990 because my grandma would still be alive and so would my mother.

4. What is your favorite curse word?
Probably... fuck

5. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Ummm. Denzel Washington but I want strings

Bonus (as in optional):You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
I would want telepathy because I really hate alterior motives. And in general I just want to know what people think.

TMI Tuesday #201

2009-08-25T01:35:00.002-05:00

TMI Tuesday #201
1. Do you have "your" side of the bed? Which side?
I think I mostly lay on the left side.

2. How old is your pillow and what condition is it in?
Not too old. Like 2 years. Pretty good condition

3. What is your favorite position to sleep in?
Fetal position

4. How often do you change your sheets?
As often as I see fit. Maybe once or twice a month.

5. What helps you fall asleep when insomnia strikes?
Reading, Movies

6. Does sex make you sleepy or energized?
Energized

7. What is the minimum amount of sleep that you need to be functional the next day.
I think 4 hours probably less.

Bonus (as in optional):Describe your most vivid dream.
When I was younger I had a pee dream. The vivid part was that I actually peed in real life. Now I always use the bathroom before i go to bed. lol

9 Lasts

2009-08-22T04:52:00.002-05:00

9 lasts
1. cigarette: Oh 2007?
2. beverage: Water
3. kiss: Today
4. hug: Today
5. movie seen: GI Joe
6. cd played: A cd I made
7. song listened to: Beyonce "Sweet Dreams"
8. bubble bath: Oh idk years
9. time you cried: Um..a couple weeks ago?

8 have you evers
1. dated one of your best friends: no
2. skinny dipped: kinda
3. kissed somebody and regretted it: yes
4. fallen in love: yes
5. lost someone you loved: yes
6. been depressed: no
7. been drunk and threw up: yes
8. ran away: no

7 states you've been to'
1. Florida
2. Nevada
3.Ohio
4. Colorado briefly
5.Georgia briefly
6.Missouri
7. Kansas

6 things you've done today
1. Eat
2. Sleep
3. Laugh
5. Shower
6.Take medication

5 favorite things in no order
1.Music
2.Food
3. Reading
4. Sleeping
5. Um... sex?

4 people you last talked to
1. Jessica
2. Sauda
3. Kyandra
4. David

3 wishes
1. To be successful
2. To be healthy
3.To be able to travel

2 things you want to be when you grow up
1. Psychiatric Nurse
2.Social Worker (last resort)

1 thing you regret
1. Going back on my morals

20 Firsts

2009-08-22T04:43:00.004-05:00

20 firsts
1. Who was your first love?
Sauda H. is

2. Who was your first kiss and when?
Honestly I don't remember

3. Who was your first prom date?
I decided to go with friends

4. Who was your first room mate?
Christina... lets not talk about it

5. What was your first job?
Chuck E Cheese

6. What was your first car?
Still workin on that one

7.When did you go to your first funeral?
Probably when I was 2 or 3

9. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
12

10. Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Babich

11. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?
The UK

13. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with?
I went with Malieth and we went to the parking lot. Unfortunately I was against this we were suppose to go to the movies.

14. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
Um snuck out? Not me

15. Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them?
My first best friend was Blair D. we are acquaintances now

16. Who was the first person to send you flowers?
Sauda H

17. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents house?
Still workin on that

18. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
Ummm probably Jessica.

19. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?
N/A

20. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
Think, morning already?

TMI Tuesday #200 (Happy Anniversary!!)

2009-08-18T00:15:00.002-05:00

TMI Tuesday #200 (Happy Anniversary!!)
1. What is the longest you have been in a monogamous sexual relationship? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that your significant other does (did) not know about.]
We are currently going on 3 years.

2. If your current relationship would fail, do you have a back-up for physical or emotional comfort?
No, I don't.

3. Can you be "just friends" with someone when there is an unrequited sexual attraction?
Yes, if you try hard enough and know that it's worth it.

4. In a assumed monogamous sexual relationship have you ever cheated, been cheated upon or been a knowing third party to the infidelity? [For the purpose of this question monogamous is defined as no sexual partners that a significant other does (did) not know about.]
I have never cheated. As far as I know I have never been cheated on...but there could be a time where it was construed that way. I don't believe I've been a knowing third party.

5. Historically, what has caused the most arguments in your relationships?
Well hmmm my fiancee' and I argue about little things. Like what to do that day.

Bonus (as in optional):What do you want from a partner in a long term relationship?
I need full commitment (it's not hard), emotional closeness, playfulness, and trust just to name a few.

TMI Tuesday #199

2009-08-11T02:25:00.002-05:00

TMI Tuesday #199
1. How do you differentiate between love and lust?
Love is a deeper feeling. Lust is just surface type stuff.

2. You are happily married, engaged, or committed in a relationship, yet you have a hot sexy dream about someone you have always wanted to do it with. Have you cheated at least in your mind?
Yes you have in your mind. We think a lot of things so it's really not a cause for concern. As long as we do not act on those thoughts.

3. Do you trust your significant other?
Yes

4. How important is your Husband or Wife wearing their Wedding bands? Is it important to you and why?
It is important to me be for them to wear it and vice versa because it is a tangible example that symbolizes our love and commitment.

5. Do you feel that flirting is OK if you are taken?
As long as it's harmless and not done very often or in spite I think it's ok.

Bonus (as in optional):If you were 100% guaranteed not to get caught having a one night stand with someone else, would you?
No because I would feel guilty. Also whether you get caught or not in my eyes wrong is wrong.

Music Monday

2009-08-10T02:50:00.002-05:00

Love this song.

You can tell Whitney went through some things but she still sounds ok. I really like this song it touches me somehow.

Like this song.

But don't let me spoil you so I'll stop here.

Music Monday

2009-08-03T02:36:00.001-05:00

I really been feeling this song lately.

Update

2009-07-23T23:47:00.006-05:00

I haven't really kept you guys up to date on my life but I'm sure you are used to it. Well summer is almost over and school is approaching. I never really got out of school mode because I'm currently taking two summer classes. We'll see if I'm burnt out on school by the fall. I can't say that I'm dreading going back though. It's my senior year and I plan on graduating. I also plan on getting married around August 28, 2010. So many big events coming up in my life. I'm kinda nervous. I hope I am prepared for both. I don't want any suprises. But I guess thats life.
As always I'm a working in progress. I'm trying to change my demeanor. I need to be more patient, not quick to anger, and less selfish and more selfless.

I found this definition of patience online: bearing or enduring without complaint. This totally is the opposite of me. If I wait for long periods of time I complain, if things don't happen as soon as I want I get mad. This is not a good look.
My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.
James 1:2-4 KJV

It seems that I get mad easily. It's those little annoyances that make me so mad. Most of the time its passive aggressive anger but I can get hostile. People don't want to be around someone who is angry all the time and it just causes undue hostility where there was none. And this ladies and gentlemen is definitely not a good look.
Slowness to anger makes for deep understanding; a quick-tempered person stockpiles stupidity.
Prov. 14:29 Message

Last but definitely not least. I can be really selfish. I mean I could make the excuse that I can't help it because I feel like I have to put myself first or no one else will. But that is no reason for me to be selfish to the people I love and who have given unselfishly to me. Needless to say, not a good look.
Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.
Gal 6:7 Message

This is just the stuff that has been on my mind.

Music Monday

2009-07-20T03:19:00.003-05:00

This is my Michael Jackson tribute. RIP MJ

Music Monday

2009-07-13T02:53:00.005-05:00

This is my song. I wish I could get the unedited version.

Another cut!!

Yet another cut but I think I'll stop there.

TMI Tuesday #194

2009-07-07T01:53:00.004-05:00

TMI Tuesday #194

1. Where was the first place you ever had sex?
Ummm

2. How often do you lie?
I try not to lie too much but if I do it's only when it's absolutely necessary ;)

3. If you could only be one, would you rather be smart or good looking?
Smart

4. Have you ever passed out or suffered memory loss from drinking too much?
I know I haven't suffered memory loss but passing out hmmmm idk Jess?

5. Top or bottom?
Top

Bonus: Do you have any catalogs for toys/videos/lingere delivered to your home?
No I still live with the parentals so...

Wednesday Weirdness #60

2009-06-24T03:14:00.003-05:00

Wednesday Weirdness #60
Questions By: Anonymous
1.) To you, what makes the perfect body the perfect body?
A nice hot little ass.. with stacks and stacks of rippling muscles overlapping the others.

2.) What part of your body do you obsess about the most?
My big fat ass.

3.) What makes a house a warm, welcoming, comfortable home?
The sex toys on the mantle.

4.) What fabric feels sexiest against bare skin?
Silk. Lace, but nothing feels better than cold steel.

5.) What is the lamest lie you have heard in the last month?
"Honey, I have a headache."

6.) What always makes you feel better when you're upset?
Masturbating to my favourite song.

Wednesday Weirdness #58 Hypotheticals Round Two

2009-06-03T15:34:00.002-05:00

WW #58: Hypotheticals Round Two

Questions Courtesy Of: Ruby Rose (again, thank you!) & Bella Dreamer

1.) If you had to either shop for your groceries in your underwear only (bra&panties or boxers/briefs/whatever) or run streaking through the mall totally naked for no less than 4 minutes, which will you pick?

I would definitely run through the mall naked for 4 minutes. That way im not slowly looking for food in my underwear. I'm running so you can't get a good glimpse of my goodies.

2.) You're having dinner at the inlaws (your boyfriend/girlfriend's parents if not married) and the food is so awful you would rather eat the table cloth. Your mother in law (bf/gf mother) calls you out and asks if there is anything wrong with the food. You can't say you're "just not that hungry" because you had earlier claimed to be "starving" so now, how do you respond to her?

I say nothing is wrong with the food. I'm just so hungry I want to take my time. I then excuse myself to the bathroom a couple times and spit the food in the toilet.

3.) In the middle of foreplay, your partner asks if you want to try something new. You ask what it is. They want to stick some kind of frozen fruit or vegetable up your anus. How open to trying this are you?

I say heck no. Stop being weird. It might actually turn me off and we have to stop.

4.) Would you rather have to walk 30 feet over burning hot coals or walk 70 feet over broken shards of glass? Why?

30 feet because it's a shorter distance. The less of 2 evils.

5.) Would you rather have to have sex with your partner with a room full of your former highschool classmates watching or have sex with your partener in a room full with a mix of each of your former exes watching?

Definitely in front of my high school friends because in front of both our exes just won't work. I already have issues with that as it is.

TMI Tuesday #189-Dating Edition

2009-06-02T03:31:00.003-05:00

TMI Tuesday #189 - Dating edition

1. What was the last movie you saw on a date?
Define date. My fiancee' and I went to go see Angels and Demons

2. What was the last meal you had on a date?
Um...I don't if what I do could be called dating. But I guess Applebees.

3. When was the last time you made out in the car on a date? More?
My fiancee' and I make out in the car usually on red lights.

4. Using a dating websites do you think you are more likely to find a "hook up" or a relationship?
Probably more hook ups

5. Do you have any special "first" date rituals? Flowers, certain restaurant, ect.
Um.. not really. I'm way past the first date stage but I'd have to say a ritual on any date should be to shower and put on some light perfume.

BONUS QUESTION: Do you believe in sex on the first date? Can a relationship bloom if you have sex on the first date?
I do not believe in sex on a first date. Usually I don't think a relationship can happen from sex on the first date but there are exceptions.

Kevin Hart "I Don't Like Ostrich's"

2009-05-29T15:29:00.001-05:00

Omg this is hilarious.

I love him.

Wednesday Weirdness

2009-05-13T17:49:00.002-05:00

Wednesday Weirdness #55Questions By: Amorous Rocker

1.) What are your least favorite sounds?
Um babies crying, grating sounds

2.) Do you enjoy reading infidelity blogs? Why? If you don't, is there any reason why you don't?
I definitely do not enjoy them because it goes against everything I stand for but I do read them occasionally

3.) If you could make one frivolous purchase right now without expense being an option, what one thing would you go buy?
Hmmm animals. Dogs and Cats.

4.) Have you ever gotten drunk and then gotten behind the wheel to drive?
Nope

5.) As an adult, have you ever been caught having sex by someone you didn't ever want to catch you in the act?
Can't say that I have

6.) If your current significant other wound up in jail for no less than 5 years but didn't kill or physically harm anyone, would you wait for them or move on?
Yes, I would wait

7.) If you had to participate, would you rather be in a mud wrestling competition or a JellO wrestling competition?
I'd rather do Jell-O wrestling

School, Engagement, and Mother's Day

2009-05-11T12:36:00.006-05:00

As usual, you know how I roll. Late on my posts, oh well lets get into it.

Well on April 30 I came home from school for the summer. My grades were good. 4A's and 2B's. I'm proud of myself. I'm also taking 3 classes this summer that start in June.

On May 1st my boyfriend proposed to me. I was really suprised because the weekend before he told me that he went to get me a ring but his credit wasn't good enough so he didn't get it. Well that was a lie. He told me all his coworkers and everything knew. But anyways, I was at his house unsuspectingly. I go in his room and sit in the chair. He tells me to close my eyes(thats when I start getting nervous) I then feel him slide a ring on my finger. Right, then I'm thinking no this is a joke because he didn't get the ring. He tells me to open my eyes and low and behold there it is plain as day.
He then asks the question, "Will you marry me?". I paused for a moment. A few words were exchanged about where the ring came from but in the end I said,"Yes". He gave me a hug and we proceeded to go on with our day as usual. I sent pics to my friends and some family who offered their congrats. Yet, I still had to tell my Aunt and Uncle. I was kind of uneasy about it because I didn't know how they would react. I did tell my Aunt and she reacted better than I thought. She told me congrats and talked about an engagement party. We don't plan to get married until after I graduate and find a job probably late next summer.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. My fiancee' and I were going to go to church but I woke up more than an hour late. Instead we went to his mother's job and chilled there for a while. She gave us free food. He got her some pajamas and some M&M's for mother's day. Afterwards, we went back to his house for a little alone time. At 3 we had to be back at my house do that when could go to dinner with my Aunt. We got there almost exactly at 3 but had to wait for my cousin Jasmine to come home from school. She finally arrived and we drive to Applebees. Once there we gave my aunt her present which consisted of a few roses, ballons, a gospel mix, and a poetry book that we were suppose to each contribute poems to from this site but not everyone participated. Yet and still she seemed happy with her gifts. From there the plan was to go to my cousin Micah's basketball game but Sauda (my fiancee') and I decided to go back to his house to spend time with his mother. I stayed at his house until it was time to go home.

Strangers!

2009-04-15T20:46:00.003-05:00

So this school year is winding down and I still have a lot of projects and what not to turn in. Im just trying to keep up and stay motivated but thats not what we're here for.
One reason for this particular blog is my sister. So today she texts me and says, "I'm going to Dallas in May wanna come." My first thoughts were oh god. So I asked, "Where you staying and how you getting there?" Much to my dismay (but not unexpected) She says, "Grandma's and by plane" Now, my main problem with this is that she insists on talking to our Grandma on our Dad's side. Whom we 1. Haven't seen since we were younger and 2. Has just recently started calling occasionally. I feel like we don't know this woman. I know I've mentioned this in another blog but she is like a stranger. And here goes my sister hauling herself over there like they're old friends. On a separate occasion she called my Grandma crying complaining about how she wants to quit school cuz she has no support and about the situation with the family. The Grandma then calls me asking about what went on with the family situation and about if we got money from the death of our mother because that could help with school. I didn't feel comfortable telling her anything about it because again, she is a stranegr. So I made it sound as best as I could without saying that there wasn't a problem. What makes me mad is that my sister went to her like that. I mean I guess I can kind of, maybe a little bit, understand. Maybe she felt like there was no else she could go to. Which is kinda true but still that was the wrong option. So that is all, I just wanted to get that out.

Wednesday Weirdness

2009-04-08T09:10:00.002-05:00

WW #50Questions by: Aiden Church and Biz Brunette

1.) What condiment goes best with french fries?
OMG RANCH!!! Nuff said

2.) What condiment do you feel best represents your personality?
Sweet and Sour Sauce...enough said

3.) If the love of your life was a different religion from you, would you convert for them if they asked you to?
Nope-relationship terminated

4.) What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
Chocolate...Ex. Reeses

5.) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No because then I would be depressed. Knowing each day is coming closer...

6.) If you could change your eye color to anything in the world you wanted, what would you change it to?
I kinda like my natural but if I had to pick it'd be a lighter brown...

7.) Are you more often the partner in crime or the good conscience with your friends and family?
Friends-partner in crime most of the time but I do think I play both sides sometimes
Family...... No comment

I Don't Understand

2009-03-29T23:53:00.007-05:00

Ok so there's this issue that has always bothered me from the beginning of time (or at least as far back as I can remember). I've always hated the way guys have guy talk and what seems to be the typical single mans sexual habits.

1.Its irritating the way they talk about their sexual encounters. Why do guys feel it's necessary to say things like.."Yea man I promise I didn't fuck her I just went to sleep." or "Man this fat girl sucked the hell outta my dick."

2. The way the typical guy has to sow his wild oats with any girl who will let him. How hard is it to not have sex with someone? Especially if your not in a committed relationship and it's just with random people. I don't understand.

I mean are you really that weak minded that you have to be controlled by your dick? I mean like get some substance to your life/personality other than sex. For me one of the most unattractive things to me is a guy with multiple sex partners, who changes women like he changes his underwear.

I'm so sick of this being the norm but am I wrong for wanting something different?

-I know this is not the case with everybody

Wednesday Weirdness

2009-03-18T14:13:00.002-05:00

Wednesday Weirdness #47Questions by: Tanya the Harlot, Bella Dreamer and Amorous Rocker

1.) In your opinion, what is your biggest character flaw?
Um, sometimes I can be a little needy

2.) What do you think is one of the worst television shows ever created?
Let's just eliminate the WHOLE ESPN channel and all it's spawns (espn 2, etc), some of those adult swim cartoons on cartoon network (pointless)

3.) Have you ever ended up injured after trying an interesting new sex position?
Injured? Thats for amateurs. Just kiddin ;)

4.) How crucial do you think communication is between you and a regular sexual partner? Do you talk often about what works, what doesn't, things you want to try, etc or do you keep the discussions to a minimal and let the physical flow as it may?
Um if by regular sex partner you mean friends with benefits (or just benefits)-Id say there's basically no talking required (at least from what I've heard not from experience), If you mean a sexual partner in a relationship communication is very important especially if you plan to be in it for the long run.

5.) Who are your favorite comedic actors/actresses?
Jamie Foxx, Martin Lawrence, Will Smith, Eddie Murphy, Steve Harvey and I'm probably leavin someone out

6.) In what way(s) do you wish your childhood was different?
Man thats a question. Growing up with both parents.

7.) Cotton Candy; Delicious treat or disgusting mess?
A delicious mess

Wednesday Weirdness

2009-03-11T08:32:00.000-05:00

WW #46Questions by: Another Suburban Mom

1. What makes a person sexy to you?
Confidence definitely as well as sense of humor. Gentlemen.

2. When having the 'number of sex partners' talk with a potential significant other, would you be turned off if they had slept with more than a certain number of people? If yes, what is that number?
If you have too many sexual partners it's a BIG turnoff. How many is too many?? Not sure.

3. Once and for all, pocketbook sized dogs and the people who carry them in pocketbooks. Cute or crazy?
I don't have a problem with you carrying around mans best friend what I do have a problem with however is people who put clothes on their animals. Unnecessary!!!! and too much.

4. Do you give up anything for Lent? If so, what?
Lent?? No, Im not catholic. And it seems kinda random.

5. If you live with someone, what is the one thing you will never let them see you do?
I don't live with anyone other than my parents but if I lived with my boyfriend I would NEVER let him see me boo boo. Ew

The Catch Up

2009-03-05T11:32:00.004-06:00

As usual I'm behind on my posts. I could say I'll try to keep them current but id be lying. No new developments in my life really. I went to my boyfriends over the weekend. We didn't do much cuz it was cold and it snowed. I'm not complaining too much though because I honestly do just like his company and waking up next to him. It feels good. More on that later. In other news my aunt's birthday was Thursday. I called and said happy birthday and she asked the usual questions. While throwing in that she was praying for m...uh thanks. I mean how are you supposed to take that. It's not bad but she must feel I'm doing something to where I need prayer. In saying that I have noticed that I feel more connected to Sauda's family than I do my own. I feel like I can be myself with them. With my family I feel like I'm on pins and needles because they're always judging me. I mean that could show that they care but I don't know. Now, school I'm getting sick of it. I want a break to regroup. So far I think I'm handling my 18 hours pretty well but I just want to be done and graduated. I'm taking 2 classes over the summer and next fall I'm taking 18 hours which will consist of mammology, genetics, comparative anatomy, experimental psychology, industrial psychology, and social dance. I will definitely need to focus. Back to the issue at hand. Ok so I proposed the idea that my boyfriend and I should abstain from sex for a year. As you can imagine he expressed his unwillingness to participate in such an offer. But I really want to try. I mean what can it hurt? The relationship? Then it wasn't meant to be. I want a new mindset in life, I'm ready for change. I want to be a better person.

Hilarity

2009-02-21T00:47:00.003-06:00

This is a little diddy I happened upon while I was surfing the web. I'm starting to like it and I think it'll be the only song I'll listen to for a while.

Another thing I love is bloopers. Enjoy.

My Dougie?

2009-02-19T11:41:00.004-06:00

Oh my goodness this is Sauda's sister doing the my dougie. Watch the hilarity. I know I was rollin.

Valentine's Day

2009-02-15T21:11:00.015-06:00

Ok so Valentines day..wonderful. I went home to my boyfriend for the weekend. On friday we just chilled at the crib which was coo. Saturday-Valentines-We went to Build A Bear and I now how a little girl named Valentinia(Sauda's doing). I loved it cuz I've been wanting to go. Then we went to Dave and Busters and played games. Sooo fun. We started with like 380 points and left with like .2. We ended up getting like almost 1000 tickets. We did this photo thing where they show us what our kids are gonna look like. MAN.
And the fun didn't stop there. We then went to the movies to see Friday the 13th. It was so so. Typical "horror" movie. Then, Sauda got me and enchilada platter..delicious. Afterwards we retired to his house so I could give him his Valentines present ;). On Sunday we laid in bed until 3pm before heading back up to school. Over the weekend I ended up drinking 2 bottles of wine. It was like 6 percent alcohol nothing big. He also gave me his cold over the weekend, thanks.

The weekend before Valentines Sauda also bought me a dozen roses. I totally wasn't expecting that but im thankful. So all is good in my world right now except for this cold but I think im getting over it.

TMI

2009-02-10T11:39:00.003-06:00

1. What do you think is the un-sexiest part of the body?
Um I think the butt..only occasionally.

2. Toilet paper: over, under, or what the hell are you talking about?
I could care less as long as there is toilet paper there.

3. Have you ever called in sick to stay in bed with a sexual partner?
Can't say that I have but I wouldn't be opposed

4. Did your parents have a "birds & bees" talk with you?
Not exactly

5. What is one thing someone could do to you to rock your world?
Tough question. Be everything I want and need effortlessly.

Bonus (as in optional): What does sex mean to you? It's more than just physical and I think it should always be that way. It's also not merely passion. It's a complex thing that I don't time or space to get into right now. you?

TMI

2009-01-27T10:47:00.003-06:00

1. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
It was either Seven Pounds or Yes Man

2. What is your favorite movie theater snack?
Popcorn duh! I like to get the kids combo that comes with popcorn, a drink, and candy.

3. Have you ever snuck in 'outside' food into a theater?
Of course. Them theatre food prices are expensive so I gotta take matters into my own hands.

4. Have you ever made out in a theater?
Who me? Yes. lol

5. What is the 'farthest' you have gone in a theater?
Um, Im not one for public privateness so not much more than kissing ;)

Bonus (as in optional): What is one of your favorite movie sex scene?
Hmmmm. Not many come to mind so Ima say any movie with Denzel Washington in it. Wink wink. lol

Random Ravings

2009-01-22T21:18:00.005-06:00

Well Im a little bored so I decided to not go through it alone thus im here. Ill probably post a lot of stuff no one cares about but hey..it passes the time(til what I don't know).

Ok well school started last week and it wasn't so bad. My classes don't seem so hard..yet. Im taking 18 hours which is maximum. Here are the course descriptions because I know you all are dying to know what I will be doing for the next few months.

212 Personal Adjustment (3 hours)
Involves clarification of the assumptions, concepts
and problems associated with personal adjustment
and the field of mental health. It will include
some history, definitions of mental health and
mental health models. Emphasis is on preventive
mental health, personal adjustment and community-
based treatment facilities. Prerequisite:
Psych 08-103. (S)

223 Abnormal Psychology (3 hours)
Studies behavior patterns considered by society to
be maladaptive. The emphasis is on diagnostic categories,
relating diagnostic categories to symptom
patterns and studying the etiology of symptom patterns.
Therapeutic approaches are also presented.
Prerequisite: Psych 08-103. (F, S)

234 Introduction to Psychological
Experimentation (3 hours)
Designed to continue to develop student’s critical
thinking skills by introducing them to the scientific
method and the research and data analysis techniques
commonly used in psychology. Prerequisites:
Psych 08-103 and Math 17-114. (F, S)

310 Cognitive Psychology (3 hours)
Introduces students to cognitive processes including
perception, attention, memory, mental imagery,
problem solving, language and decision making. The
class balances theory (model building), research
(inductive/deductive reasoning), and application
to areas such as social psychology, law, education
and engineering. Prerequisites: Psych 08-103
or 303. (S)

373 Learning and Motivation (3 hours)
A systematic review of the facts, concepts and
principles which describe classical and operant
conditioning, extinction, generalization/discrimination
processes and concept learning. Prerequisite:
Psych 08-103. (F, S, SS)

365 Social Psychology (3 hours)
An introductory course probing the development
of human behavior in its social context. Significant
theories and methodologies in social psychology
developed within the disciplines of sociology and
psychology are considered, along with representative
research in areas such as social perception
and attribution, interpersonal attraction, aggression,
altruism, role- and self-development and group
processes. Prerequisites: Soc 35-101 or Psych
08-103. (F, S, SS)

All that being said lucky me. Nothing new in my life. My boyfriend came up this weekend and we chilled nothing special.

I am excited about some purchases I plan to make with my new found wealth.

1. I want to buy a digital camera

2. A new phone -I would add a pic but they're not cooperating they are either too big or too small.

Anywho, I recently talked to my grandma on my dad's(whose been MIA most my life) side. It's so weird talking to her because I don't really know her like that. I mean me and my sister used to always spend the night over there when I was younger but I'm older now. She also called on my birthday and christmas. But her recent call was to see how I was doing and to get my address at school...why? Is beyond me. My sister was talking to about going down to Dallas (where she lives taking care of her mother) for spring break. She asked me if I was going to come to and honestly I don't feel comfortable but I told her I don't know. I don't even know how my sister is thinking she's going to get down there. She has no car to speak of.

On a random note my roommate and I wanted to go to the bar on Tuesday but when we pulled up (not to our suprise) there were like two people in there max. So we decided to go to Wal-Mart buy alcohol and smuggle it into our dorm room. Let's just say mission accomplished. I had one while we started the movie Old School. It was already kinda late and that alcohol didn't help. It carried me to sleep.

TMI

2009-01-20T11:14:00.003-06:00

1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?
Nope all the people I dated were broke. Just kidding.
2. What is your type?
I don't really have a type. I usually like the good guys with an occasional bad guy peppered in here and there. ;)
3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?
Um just one? Nope can't do it.
4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?
No way jose'!
5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?
Why...yes, yes I have.
Bonus (as in optional):At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?
I don't think there is a specific age. Me? Heck naw I ain't even close to reaching mines.

Happy "Belated" New Year

2009-01-07T01:12:00.010-06:00

This is my first post of 2009 and I have a lot of catching up to do.

Ok on my birthday-My boyfriend and I went to Applebees and I ordered my first official drink, White Peach Sangria. It was quite good.

And no one asked me for my ID which I was kinda mad about because I wanted to show off that I was of age. The Applebees staff also sung Happy Birthday to me.

New Years-I went to my boyfriends house and we drank a little. We had blowjobs (the drink) they were so delicious.

Nothing too exciting.

And while we're on the subject, I need more excitement in my life but that, my friends, is another story entirely.

Everything since the New Year has started has been pretty much boring.

Yesterday I went to WalMart with my friend Shenell and we bought this game called Imaginiff.

It was fun.

We played it with one of our old friends from high school Kierra.

In other diasterous news.

I have to return to school on Thursday because I have to work Friday morning.

I'm really not that sad about going back but it's not exactly cause for celebration.

Class starts on Monday.

Merry Birthday to Me

2008-12-27T01:56:00.021-06:00

Today is my 21st birthday. And I have no idea what I am going to do. Tonight I was with my boyfriend and we drank Smirnoff to prepare for this day. Just a little something light to get started. Im excited to see what will happen.

December 26: Uncle and I got into a little physical altercation.

Now let's rewind back to Christmas. We ate. I got clothes, boots, jewelry, gift cards, purse, and 50 dollars. Then I went to my boyfriends and we ate and I got the rest of my presents. I bought him a Fossil watch.

These are the boots I got.

This is some of the jewelry I got. My boyfriend got me all of this except the earrings in the top left corner. I had another pair of earrings I forgot to put in but you get the point.

My boyfriend got me some Burberry London perfume.

He also got me some movies. These all seem so random but he got me Sleepy Hollow because I like Johnny Depp, he got me Eddie Murphy because I said I wanted one time when we were in Target, and he got me Must Love Dogs because I like and animals and it seemed like a chick flick.

I basically put on here everything I got for Christmas. And I have a confession, I only got one of my friends a Christmas gift and not the other but shhh don't tell nobody. JLH the one I did get one for her present is kinda small but useful. I wish I could give more. The friend that I didnt get one for said she wanted a gift card to Wal-Mart but I just aint got the funds....then again I got a gift card to Wal-Mart for Christmas....hmmm decisions decisions.

Seven Pounds of Gifts

2008-12-23T16:58:00.008-06:00

Ok so Saturday I hung out with my man. We actually had plans. We were gonna go out to eat and then to the movies. He wouldn't tell me where we were going out to eat at though. It really made me mad. I wanted to know but I liked that it was sort of a suprise. Well it ended up being Olive Garden. It was delicious. I love their bread. Afterwards we had plans to go to the movies but we finished eating early so we walked around Ward Parkway because our movie didn't start til 7:15. I bought some personal items and a gift for a certain someone. So we finally got to the movie. We went to see Seven Pounds, starring Will "he just don't know" Smith. It was a good movie. Kind of a tear jerker if you do that kind of thing. Now I know im not the only one wondering why this movie is titled Seven Pounds. Well I found the answer.

The title "Seven Pounds" refers to the Shakespearean pound-of-flesh metaphor, meaning a figurative debt that needs to be paid back.

Makes sense because Will helps 7 people.

Anyways moving on. Today Im suppose to go with my boyfriends mom to get his Christmas present. Im so low on funds. He told me he spent over 100 on me but I probably will barely spend half of that on him. I plan to get him gloves, wallet, and a watch. Hopefully if those items are reasonably priced. Maybe his mom can chip in too. ;) I still have two other people to buy gifts for and I must say it's not looking good. Oh and on an ending note. My 21st is in 4 days.

At First Sight By: Nicholas Sparks

2008-12-19T14:46:00.005-06:00

Ok you know how I said earlier I need a new book to read? Well I found one. It's like the sequel to the book I just finished. It's called At First Sight.
AT FIRST SIGHT
There are a few things Jeremy Marsh was sure he’d never do: he’d never leave New York City; never give his heart away after barely surviving one failed marriage; and never become a parent. Now Jeremy is living in the tiny town of Boone Creek, North Carolina, engaged to Lexie Darnell, the love of his life, and anticipating the start of their family. But just as his life seems to be settling into a blissful pattern, a mysterious and disturbing e-mail sets off a chain of events that will change the course of this young couple’s relationship.
How well do we really know the ones we love? How do we handle the inevitable doubts, fears concerning parenthood, and stumbling blocks that are sometimes placed in our way? Continuing the story of the young couple introduced in Sparks’s bestselling True Believer, this novel captures all the heartbreak, tension, romance and surprises of those who are newly wed.
An astonishing tale about the love between a man and a woman and between a parent and a child, AT FIRST SIGHT is about endings that bring new beginnings . . . tragedies that lead to unexpected joy . . . and, most of all, the magic of everlasting love.
http://www.nicholassparks.com/Novels/AtFirstSight/Flap.html

Now if I could only find a way to get it.

Disappointing News

2008-12-18T14:06:00.003-06:00

So my boyfriend didn't get the job. It really sucks. They told him he had a good interview they just thought someone elses interview was better. Whatever. I guess it just wasn't his time but his will come. He's for the most part a good person and a good worker. His sells are always the highest in his office and he won't settle for less. I know something better will come along.
Some more disappointing news on my end is I finished my book. This is disappointing not because the book was bad(which it wasn't) but because now what am I to do with my life. It kept me occupied while Sauda did the boring crap he does. I need to get another book but I don't know when I would be able to do that.

True Believer By: Nicholas Sparks

2008-12-17T18:11:00.006-06:00

So I started my book True Believer I am getting ready to read the 8th chapter out of 22. Here's a little background info.

TRUE BELIEVER
Jeremy Marsh is the ultimate New Yorker: handsome, almost always dressed in black, and part of the media elite. An expert on debunking the supernatural with a regular column in Scientific American, he's just made his first appearance on national TV. When he receives a letter from the tiny town of Boone Creek, North Carolina, about ghostly lights that appear in a legend-shrouded cemetery, he can't resist driving down to investigate.
Here, in this tightly knit community, Lexie Darnell runs the town's library, just as her mother did before the accident that left Lexie an orphan. Disappointed by past relationships, including one that lured her away from home, she is sure of one thing: her future is in Boone Creek, close to her grandmother and all the other people she loves.
Jeremy expects to spend a quick week in "the sticks" before speeding back to the city. But from the moment he sets eyes on Lexie, he is intrigued and attracted to this beautiful woman who speaks with a soft drawl and confounding honesty. And Lexie, while hesitating to trust this outsider, finds herself thinking of Jeremy more than she cares to admit.
Now, if they are to be together, Jeremy Marsh must make a difficult choice: return to the life he knows, or do something he's never done before--take a giant leap of faith.
A story about taking chances and following your heart, True Believer will make you, too, believe in the miracle of love.

http://www.nicholassparks.com/Novels/TrueBeliever/Flap.html

Goings On

2008-12-15T13:30:00.004-06:00

Im REALLY not feeling this but I promised JLH I'd do this. I can not guarantee the quality of this blog. Well there's 12 days til Im 21 and Im kinda excited. 10 days til Christmas and I have no idea what to get people. Plus I'm low on funds. I brought a book home that I can read in my spare time during break. It's called True Believer by: Nicholas Sparks. I havent started it yet. Yesterday Sauda and I went to church and then out to eat at 54th Street. After that we just chilled at his house. Tomorrow Sauda has an interview for a promotion to Assistant Manager at a Enterprise in North kc. I hope he gets it. That means more money for us lol. No Im kidding I just hope he gets it cuz ti's what he's been waiting for and I know he'd be disappointed if he didn't. I'm kinda on the go right now and I have to get ready so ill write more later.
So Im back. I went to my friend Shenell's house today and we chilled. We really never do nothing but her personality makes it fun. First, we watched Mr. Bean (which I thought was really weird, and kind of disturbing), Second, we tried for at least an hour to learn the Dougie dance (I think I almost got it), and Third we watched funny videos on youtube. In between those we ate eggs, and this spicy African food with rice (it's so good everytime I have it). I got home around 1:30 AM. My uncle called me upstairs. "What are you and Sauda doin til 1 and 2 in the morning?"
"I was with Shenell. And this is the first time I've come home at 1."
" I see you 5 minutes a day. Your out every night. Sleep all day. What did you do around the house? Be more productive."
" Ok goodnight"
He really pisses me off. Like if I pick up the house before I leave I can stay out later. Obviously they don't get the hint I'm always gone because I don't want to be there. They don't tell their worthless son to pick up nothing. He's the reason the house is dirty because I'm never there. They're lucky I come home. I always feel like they think Im always doin something wrong. When in actuality I dont do jack and their kids have probably done way worse things than I have. If I could move out on my own I would. Im sick of this.

And The Results Are In

2008-12-12T00:58:00.002-06:00

Ok so I've finished my finals for this semester and I have to say I am pretty happy with my grades.
(From highest to lowest)
Final Grades
Sociology-103.75 A
Developmental Psychology-101.40 A
Family Relationships-95.58 A
History of Dance- A (This is an estimated grade I don't know the percentage yet)
Statistics-75.80 C
___________________
Semester GPA 3.6
This raises my cumulative GPA to 2.6

Now these are the classes I am taking for the Spring 09 semester.

Personal Adjustment
Abnormal Psychology
Intro. to Psych Experimentation
Cognitive Psychology
Learning and Motivation
Social Psychology

That semester should be pretty hard but I think I can pull the same grades as this semester.I really wanna get a 3.0 so I can go to grad school.

Legs, Finals, and Other Randomness

2008-12-09T11:12:00.003-06:00

My leg is killing me. It's not even that serious of a pain but it's been a constant light pain for the last couple days. Finals week is upon us and my last final is Thursday but I'm stayin til friday because I have to take my friend Mark to the airport. I've got 2 finals out of the way so far and 3 more left. I have one at 11:50here soon so this might be short. I'm kind happy to go home and not do work and kick it wit the homies particulary JLH (never let go)but you can't usually get JLH without ENW which s-u-c-k-s. It is sooo cold outside but i think it's the wind thats killing me. After my final I just wanna go stay in bed but I have to work 3-5 and study for my other finals lucky me. I wish I could detour off the road of organization like some people I know. Next semester should be fun Im takin 18 hrs which is the max you can take. Im tryin to catch up and graduate as soon as possible. I plan on graduating the summer of '10. Oh yea and just a random comment my friend Christina joined a sorority Delta Sigma Theta. Her mom was one of the founders of a chapter in Nebraska. Not that that had anything to do with nothing but whatever. Oh I was watching Jamie Foxx I might need security this weekend and it was too funny. Well I think thats all for now

Randomness

2008-12-03T14:13:00.003-06:00

I just feel like writing, I do not have a topic, so this is going to be pretty random. I love to listen to music this is the video of a song I've been feeling lately.

Oh and I cant forget Jamie (he just dont know) Foxx.

I just got outta class and it is snowing and ish, cold as heck and im not happy about it. I also straightened my hair last night and everytime I do it snows or rains. It makes me mad.

Yea so taking a break from all the pics. Oh did I mention Christmas break is coming up soon? I am freaking excited. Although I have no idea what I am getting people but I know more what I want. Oh and my birthday on the 27th I want to do it big. Dave and Busters, Club (Voodoo Lounge in Harrah's Casino), Go out to eat(Cheesecake Factory), Plaza, and of course drink it up!
In other news I have an on campus job in the Registrar's office and we have to be back early from break. On the friday before class starts on January 9th it sucks. Yea well im getting kinda hungry so I will hit this up later. Holla.

Breathless Memories

2008-12-01T14:31:00.004-06:00

So I had an ok Thanksgiving. Nothing too exciting, ya know the usual. My aunt cooked a plethora of items, we ate, then I went to my boyfriends and ate there. I went to the movies to see Role Models and it was kinda funny... whispering eye he heh. Another fun thing I did over break was get sick. It started with a sore throat and has now become a full blown cold. It sucks yes. Oh and it's snowing which REALLY sucks. I hate snow...really just cold weather in general. But on the upside this semester is almost over and Christmas break is upon us... 2 weeks. AND... my birthday is in 26 days....heck yea 21. In other news I found one of my homies from high school on myspace. And I had heard that her cousin (who I was also cool with) died but I couldn't believe it until I saw her myspace name that read: "RIP Marcha Teaz Semens..." I was floored to finally have the reality of it in my face. I continued to look at the pics of Jennifer at the funeral and the pics of the good times they'd had. And always when something like this happens to someone you know it always makes you think. It's crazy for me to think I used to see this person, touch this person, and interact with this person and now I will never see them, touch them or interact with them EVER again. And when I think of this person from now on they will be nothing more than a lifeless form void of breathe, life, or mobility. This person ceases to exist. No new memories or experiences...NOTHING. It's almost amazing to me the finality of death. But life goes on. You just live in your moment but when that moment ends, the world continues to spin. Dictionary.com defines death this way: "the act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism." I think it's the permanent part that kills (no pun intended) me. I think I will have to continue on this topic later because many other questions arise in my mind about but this blog would be way too expansive if I were to discuss all of them. And because I feel like I've said enough for now I will end it here.

Let's Just Jump Right In

2008-11-29T01:45:00.002-06:00

I am not easily amused. This is somewhat of a problem in my relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years. We argue because he is always content watching tv, playing madden, or just sitting around. Me on the other hand I want to do different stuff sometimes and I get bored and tell him, "Lets do something im bored." You see the problem is he is perfectly content doing whatever it is he is doing so when I keep telling him I'm bored he gets annoyed not only because of that but because I never have any ideas of what else to do. I mean I don't exactly know what I want to do I just know I don't want to do what we're doing but he has no problem with it. So he tells me to find something to do but I want us to do something together but as I keep pointing out he is completely content. I mean he gives me ideas and I say no to most of them because they don't sound fun and then he just gets fed up. According to him why should I have to ruin his fun because I'm bored. One solution that came up is me finding a hobby but that might be hard because I don't know what I like to do. Just whatever is fun I'm open to ideas. Reading could be a possible hobby but one can only read for so long. Oh and another thing he kinda likes to stay at home which I kinda don't like. I mean can we go out and do something? Your home all the time don't you want something different? More stimulating perhaps? And we plan on getting married sometime in the future so is this how it's gonna be? I mean if it is we're just gonna have to deal with it but.....I don't know. I guess I'll just have to think on it.......

The Update on Nothing

2008-07-11T05:04:00.000-05:00

Summers almost over and I think Im ready to go back to school. I really want to focus these next 2 years. Let me first give a shout out to my homie J Hardy who will be turning 21 on the 15th of this month. Now back to business everything with me has been about the same except I got my braces off and my hair dyed....lets just say sexy lol....anyways but other than that nothing. I wish I had more going on but what can I say. I should have gotten a job this summer or taken summer classes but oh well. In the future I really want to finish school on time. I want to be a better girlfriend. And ultimately I just want things to be a little easier for me (but who doesn't?). I give up too easily but thats something else entirely. On another note I feel like there is nothing new in my little sphere of the world. I want to do and try new things go new places but I can't make it happen soon enough or even at all. I'd like to end this on a happy note but well i can't find any so until we meet again.....

Life, Heaven, and All That Sort of Thing

2008-06-10T03:04:00.000-05:00

I could say I havent written in a while but you all know how its went so lets just get right into it. Ok so I'm out of school for the summer. My GPA is a 2.3 (yes disappointing I know). School is discouraging me I'm not doin as well as I want to and I believe I'm tryin. Enough said about that. My summer has been good so far. I've went to Worlds of Fun at least 3 times already and I've went swimming once. My relationship is going well almost 2 years. Except that his aunt doesn't like me because of a situation that happened in July. I don't really care for her either but I do kinda want his family members to like me but what can I do. Oh yeah and recently my Grandma died May 24,2008. Of course I was sad but I think I was ready for it. In more current events yesterday at my boyfriends house with my friends we were drinking. I got a little tipsy and it really wasn't that bad. Except one of my other friends got really drunk and lets just say it was an interesting night. So on to the the topic for the day in response to Jessica's blog on May 21st. Why is heaven imaginary? Because you can't see or touch it? And God hath not forced anything upon us. We are in control of ourselves we have free will we make our own choices. I don't want to go too deep into this because this blog would go on for days. And why you don't want to be positive is a mystery to me. Being positive is not about rainbows and butterflies and actin like things don't exist it's about although things are bad you don't get depressed about life you just take it in stride and seein things from a different perspective not a distorted one. This is where I think Ill end this and any questions, comments, or concerns feel free to write.

Same

2008-03-20T20:34:00.000-05:00

So as usual it been a while since Ive written. I just havent had anything worthwhile to write about and I still dont but here goes anyways. 2nd semester of sophomore year is comin to a close and spring break is approaching and needless to say i cant wait. I just purchased a new phone I am pretty excited about. Me and the boyfriend are doin good passed the year and a half mark. The family is the same. My sis is the same.

A future????

2008-01-21T01:46:00.000-06:00

What does the future hold? Many of us have pondered this question before. When I think of the future (that being after endless amounts of school) I see myself starting a career, getting married/being a newlywed, and starting a family. This sounds like the typical kind of future that everyone wants but have you ever stopped to think what if it doesn't happen the way you plan? What brings this about is the fact that my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. This is my sophmore year of college and we plan on getting married when I finish school. Thats just it though, finishing school could not be for a couple years. After my 4 years at Northwest to become a Veterinarian I need to go to Vet school for probably another 4 years. Lately, my boyfriend has been wondering how we're gonna to survive the next few years until I get outta school because we're already missing each other so much now. And the places I plan on goin to Vet school at arent any closer. My point of view is that I know it's goin to be hard but if we go into with the mindset that this is going to work it'll be ok if we really love each other. Though there will be temptations and what not I feel if our love is strong it shouldnt matter the temptations we may face. What I am scared of though is that as our relationship progresses through the years the distance will cause our relationship to weaken and it will come to an end. Honestly, I guess Im not really worried about the future because I know me and I am not one to cheat no matter what the circumstance. I guess what Im most worried about is his trust and faith in me and that he'll stay faithful. All I can really say is that we'll just have to see what the future holds.

It's that time again....

2007-12-09T04:33:00.000-06:00

Well I'm back. Did you miss me? Once again I feel I haven't wrote in a while so I decided to grace you with my presence yet again. Amazingly, not a lot has been goin on since I last wrote. My first semester of my sophomore year is almost over and I must say I coulda done better I failed 2 classes that are required for my major and I must supercede them in the spring. Good stuff! Christmas break is approaching and I am more happy to get the well deserved break. Everythings been getting on my nerves especially my roommate. It's like everythig she does makes me mad. Lets not go into details. I can't wait until Christmas the season and the whole atmosphere of it makes me usually happy and it's not just about the presents. Also my birthday is comin up on December the 27th and I will be the big 2-0. I'm gettin at that age when I NEED to be more independant. I want my own apartment, car, etc. even though I know it will be a while before I get those things I can't help but wish. My familys good as theyll ever be I guess. The sis is still MIA at home and it's the same thing. Speaking of family I want to discuss my grandma in particular. Now the situation is as I'm sure I've said, she's has taken care of me and my sister since I was little after my mom died until I was 12. She had a stroke and was paralyzed on her left side and couldn't care for us anymore so now she's in home. As you can probably tell my grandma was a big part of my life and you would assume I try to keep in contact with her whenever I can but no. I feel somewhat guilty for this but it's hard. I love my grandmother to death but honestly (this might sound wrong) I feel she's not a part of my life anymore and I've grown up. I feel like she wants to keep in contact because we are all she really had in life and now we're gone. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. And it seems I don't make an effort to visit anyone, anymore my sister or my grandma. It's almost as if, if your out of the place that I live at that current time your out of my life. It's crazy. Thats all I have to say about that but on lighter note I want to discuss the boyfriend now. We've been together for going on a year and 4 months and we are no longer in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. I mean there is still love and romance there but we are not the same as we were in the beginning. We are recognizing and evaluting the issues in our relationship. He wants me to move in with him and I want to too but I don't think my family would approve and I don't want to leave them on bad terms. Theres also the possibility, although we don't plan on it, that we might break up and then what, I have to move back in with the people that will have resentment towards me ( though they won't show it) for leaving. I just don't know about all that. We'll see what happens. So I think that sums everything up for now. Either you wont see me for another few months or I'll write within this week.

What Happenin'

2007-08-22T02:41:00.000-05:00

Well once again it's been a while since I wrote. Where to start...... School. My second semester of college is over and sadly I didn't get the 3.0 but it's ok because there's gon be next year. Over the summer I worked for my school in a program called Challenge U. It helps kids in grades 8-12 want to go to college and see what college is like. My job was a youth leader. I was assigned between 2-4 kids to kind of be their mentor and lead and teach them about college life. It was an okay experience but the better experience was the 1,300 check I got. My major at Northwest Missouri State University is Veterinary Med. and as I look at the course load I have to take to graduate I start second guessing if this is really the career path I want to take. It's not that I don't think I can do it, it's just that I'm not sure I want to do all the work but what are my other options? Next, the boyfriend he's been doing pretty good for himself . Got a job and a car. It's going on a year on the 28th and I'm still happy yet I can't help but wonder is this too good to be true.... I'll be going off to school on the 26 and this time he's not coming with me. All the normal questions arise... Will the long distance thing work? Do I want to try? Is it worth it? I guess only time will tell. We're both hoping for the best. Now, my sister she's still MIA at home but she lives with her friend Lisa. She is a lesbian. Yet, I don't see her this way she is still the same sister I knew before I went to college. Our relationship has obviously changed and I'm realizing maybe I'm not as close to her as I should have been in the beginning. I have to take it in stride though and try to do my best with how we are right now. I feel/know she's not happy with life right know even though she's not in the home. It seems she doesn't have any peace in life. My family and friend seem pretty good. I'm tryin to hang with them before I go back to school on saturday. I can't wait to leave so I can be free. My curfew at home is 1:00am. This is starting to become a real nuisance! None, and I mean none of my friends have curfews. So you can imagine how I look spoiling everyone's fun because I have to be in at a certain time. I'm about to be 20 yrs old (no longer a teenager) and I'm in college where I have no parents I'm in control of me yet i still have a curfew. It's ridiculous. While we're on the subject of parentals my boyfriend and I are talking about moving in together next summer and I guess we'll see how they take that. On another note, I feel like I'm learning so much in life and that I'm maturing but I haven't taken the time to sit and think about things and situations to really discover the value of them. Too many times I feel like people just live life on the surface and don't take the time to think about and evaluate things. Those people I believe are truely missing out on life.

Situations will arise

2007-03-18T23:12:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I last wrote. Man a lot of things have been going on first there's school it's going fine 1st Semester I got a 3.0. I'm struggling to do the same this semester. Then there's the boyfriend, we're goin on 7 months and I'm still learning to trust someone other than myself. Then there's now I'm home for spring break. Lately since I've been gone my sister has been having problems hating it at the house I can't blame her we had to move from my grandmas to my aunt and uncle's with their 4 kids. She's been running away. She came back for a while only to find yesterday she left and hasn't returned and no one knows where she is. I know she's with friends and she's fine wherever she is but I want her to understand she needs to come home.Now, it's my time to play the big sister role (which is a role I refuse to quit or fail) only hoping that I have enough influence on her to help. I'm worried about her lifestlye choices and whats going on in her head. Her behavior is so contrary to when I left for college. When I left she was quiet. Now I hear she's talking back not doin as well in school and running away. I guess this works in 2 ways 1. It's a test of my faith. I feel that in a time where I've slid back from God this is a situation in which he forces me to acknowledge him once again. and I am obliged 2. This is a test of relationships. My sister and I. My sister and my family. Well thats a lot to think about.

Mirror

2006-09-08T09:40:00.000-05:00

Man life is crazy!! I'm up in college tryin to find myself and figure out who I am and I'm realizing more and more whats for me and whats not and whats in God's plan for me. I've still got a lot of growing up to do and at least now I can say I'm on my way. I have to start looking and thinking about things differently now!! Pretty soon I'll be in the real world wit no one to depend on but myself. I've also noticed that I have to be more bold about my feelings I'm so used to keepin it in and dealin with it myself but that only hurts me in the long run. I have to let my past be my past, learn from it but don't dwell on it. I have to let things go. I have to be strong for me because no one else is gonna be. I need to have what I need to survive in this life.

Labor Day

2006-09-05T15:00:00.000-05:00

I just got out of class. I went home for Labor Day and to my suprise it was kinda boring. I actually wanted to go back before monday. I kicked it wit my homies. You know who you are ;) that was fun but that was all I did. I got my last check from Chucke Cheese it was about 167 dollas which is all goin towards my phone bills until I get a job up here. I'm not gon be home again until thanksgiving. I'm kinda hungry but I'ma wait until my boy gets out of class so we can go together. I should be doin some homework but I dont feel like it. I really need to get on top of things cuz I got scholarships and money on the line.Also my Aunty told me that she thinks my mom went to this college but left because she got pregnant with me so I feel pressured to really be good ya feel me.I have nothin else to say so ill holla