Life, Heaven, and All That Sort of Thing

I could say I havent written in a while but you all know how its went so lets just get right into it. Ok so I'm out of school for the summer. My GPA is a 2.3 (yes disappointing I know). School is discouraging me I'm not doin as well as I want to and I believe I'm tryin. Enough said about that. My summer has been good so far. I've went to Worlds of Fun at least 3 times already and I've went swimming once. My relationship is going well almost 2 years. Except that his aunt doesn't like me because of a situation that happened in July. I don't really care for her either but I do kinda want his family members to like me but what can I do. Oh yeah and recently my Grandma died May 24,2008. Of course I was sad but I think I was ready for it. In more current events yesterday at my boyfriends house with my friends we were drinking. I got a little tipsy and it really wasn't that bad. Except one of my other friends got really drunk and lets just say it was an interesting night. So on to the the topic for the day in response to Jessica's blog on May 21st. Why is heaven imaginary? Because you can't see or touch it? And God hath not forced anything upon us. We are in control of ourselves we have free will we make our own choices. I don't want to go too deep into this because this blog would go on for days. And why you don't want to be positive is a mystery to me. Being positive is not about rainbows and butterflies and actin like things don't exist it's about although things are bad you don't get depressed about life you just take it in stride and seein things from a different perspective not a distorted one. This is where I think Ill end this and any questions, comments, or concerns feel free to write.

Same

So as usual it been a while since Ive written. I just havent had anything worthwhile to write about and I still dont but here goes anyways. 2nd semester of sophomore year is comin to a close and spring break is approaching and needless to say i cant wait. I just purchased a new phone I am pretty excited about. Me and the boyfriend are doin good passed the year and a half mark. The family is the same. My sis is the same.

A future????

What does the future hold? Many of us have pondered this question before. When I think of the future (that being after endless amounts of school) I see myself starting a career, getting married/being a newlywed, and starting a family. This sounds like the typical kind of future that everyone wants but have you ever stopped to think what if it doesn't happen the way you plan? What brings this about is the fact that my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. This is my sophmore year of college and we plan on getting married when I finish school. Thats just it though, finishing school could not be for a couple years. After my 4 years at Northwest to become a Veterinarian I need to go to Vet school for probably another 4 years. Lately, my boyfriend has been wondering how we're gonna to survive the next few years until I get outta school because we're already missing each other so much now. And the places I plan on goin to Vet school at arent any closer. My point of view is that I know it's goin to be hard but if we go into with the mindset that this is going to work it'll be ok if we really love each other. Though there will be temptations and what not I feel if our love is strong it shouldnt matter the temptations we may face. What I am scared of though is that as our relationship progresses through the years the distance will cause our relationship to weaken and it will come to an end. Honestly, I guess Im not really worried about the future because I know me and I am not one to cheat no matter what the circumstance. I guess what Im most worried about is his trust and faith in me and that he'll stay faithful. All I can really say is that we'll just have to see what the future holds.

It's that time again....

Well I'm back. Did you miss me? Once again I feel I haven't wrote in a while so I decided to grace you with my presence yet again. Amazingly, not a lot has been goin on since I last wrote. My first semester of my sophomore year is almost over and I must say I coulda done better I failed 2 classes that are required for my major and I must supercede them in the spring. Good stuff! Christmas break is approaching and I am more happy to get the well deserved break. Everythings been getting on my nerves especially my roommate. It's like everythig she does makes me mad. Lets not go into details. I can't wait until Christmas the season and the whole atmosphere of it makes me usually happy and it's not just about the presents. Also my birthday is comin up on December the 27th and I will be the big 2-0. I'm gettin at that age when I NEED to be more independant. I want my own apartment, car, etc. even though I know it will be a while before I get those things I can't help but wish. My familys good as theyll ever be I guess. The sis is still MIA at home and it's the same thing. Speaking of family I want to discuss my grandma in particular. Now the situation is as I'm sure I've said, she's has taken care of me and my sister since I was little after my mom died until I was 12. She had a stroke and was paralyzed on her left side and couldn't care for us anymore so now she's in home. As you can probably tell my grandma was a big part of my life and you would assume I try to keep in contact with her whenever I can but no. I feel somewhat guilty for this but it's hard. I love my grandmother to death but honestly (this might sound wrong) I feel she's not a part of my life anymore and I've grown up. I feel like she wants to keep in contact because we are all she really had in life and now we're gone. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. And it seems I don't make an effort to visit anyone, anymore my sister or my grandma. It's almost as if, if your out of the place that I live at that current time your out of my life. It's crazy. Thats all I have to say about that but on lighter note I want to discuss the boyfriend now. We've been together for going on a year and 4 months and we are no longer in the honeymoon stage of the relationship. I mean there is still love and romance there but we are not the same as we were in the beginning. We are recognizing and evaluting the issues in our relationship. He wants me to move in with him and I want to too but I don't think my family would approve and I don't want to leave them on bad terms. Theres also the possibility, although we don't plan on it, that we might break up and then what, I have to move back in with the people that will have resentment towards me ( though they won't show it) for leaving. I just don't know about all that. We'll see what happens. So I think that sums everything up for now. Either you wont see me for another few months or I'll write within this week.

What Happenin'

Well once again it's been a while since I wrote. Where to start...... School. My second semester of college is over and sadly I didn't get the 3.0 but it's ok because there's gon be next year. Over the summer I worked for my school in a program called Challenge U. It helps kids in grades 8-12 want to go to college and see what college is like. My job was a youth leader. I was assigned between 2-4 kids to kind of be their mentor and lead and teach them about college life. It was an okay experience but the better experience was the 1,300 check I got. My major at Northwest Missouri State University is Veterinary Med. and as I look at the course load I have to take to graduate I start second guessing if this is really the career path I want to take. It's not that I don't think I can do it, it's just that I'm not sure I want to do all the work but what are my other options? Next, the boyfriend he's been doing pretty good for himself . Got a job and a car. It's going on a year on the 28th and I'm still happy yet I can't help but wonder is this too good to be true.... I'll be going off to school on the 26 and this time he's not coming with me. All the normal questions arise... Will the long distance thing work? Do I want to try? Is it worth it? I guess only time will tell. We're both hoping for the best. Now, my sister she's still MIA at home but she lives with her friend Lisa. She is a lesbian. Yet, I don't see her this way she is still the same sister I knew before I went to college. Our relationship has obviously changed and I'm realizing maybe I'm not as close to her as I should have been in the beginning. I have to take it in stride though and try to do my best with how we are right now. I feel/know she's not happy with life right know even though she's not in the home. It seems she doesn't have any peace in life. My family and friend seem pretty good. I'm tryin to hang with them before I go back to school on saturday. I can't wait to leave so I can be free. My curfew at home is 1:00am. This is starting to become a real nuisance! None, and I mean none of my friends have curfews. So you can imagine how I look spoiling everyone's fun because I have to be in at a certain time. I'm about to be 20 yrs old (no longer a teenager) and I'm in college where I have no parents I'm in control of me yet i still have a curfew. It's ridiculous. While we're on the subject of parentals my boyfriend and I are talking about moving in together next summer and I guess we'll see how they take that. On another note, I feel like I'm learning so much in life and that I'm maturing but I haven't taken the time to sit and think about things and situations to really discover the value of them. Too many times I feel like people just live life on the surface and don't take the time to think about and evaluate things. Those people I believe are truely missing out on life.

Situations will arise

It's been a while since I last wrote. Man a lot of things have been going on first there's school it's going fine 1st Semester I got a 3.0. I'm struggling to do the same this semester. Then there's the boyfriend, we're goin on 7 months and I'm still learning to trust someone other than myself. Then there's now I'm home for spring break. Lately since I've been gone my sister has been having problems hating it at the house I can't blame her we had to move from my grandmas to my aunt and uncle's with their 4 kids. She's been running away. She came back for a while only to find yesterday she left and hasn't returned and no one knows where she is. I know she's with friends and she's fine wherever she is but I want her to understand she needs to come home.Now, it's my time to play the big sister role (which is a role I refuse to quit or fail) only hoping that I have enough influence on her to help. I'm worried about her lifestlye choices and whats going on in her head. Her behavior is so contrary to when I left for college. When I left she was quiet. Now I hear she's talking back not doin as well in school and running away. I guess this works in 2 ways 1. It's a test of my faith. I feel that in a time where I've slid back from God this is a situation in which he forces me to acknowledge him once again. and I am obliged 2. This is a test of relationships. My sister and I. My sister and my family. Well thats a lot to think about.

Mirror

Man life is crazy!! I'm up in college tryin to find myself and figure out who I am and I'm realizing more and more whats for me and whats not and whats in God's plan for me. I've still got a lot of growing up to do and at least now I can say I'm on my way. I have to start looking and thinking about things differently now!! Pretty soon I'll be in the real world wit no one to depend on but myself. I've also noticed that I have to be more bold about my feelings I'm so used to keepin it in and dealin with it myself but that only hurts me in the long run. I have to let my past be my past, learn from it but don't dwell on it. I have to let things go. I have to be strong for me because no one else is gonna be. I need to have what I need to survive in this life.