Update 1

I actually have something to update on. I got a job at a Hy-Vee near my house. I've been working there for about a month now. Mainly to save up for a car. I am also winding down my first semester of grad school. Lots a papers to complete right now. I also applied for a job at the airport a while back and it's been a endless process. Step1: a background check. Step 2: a computer test over english and object recognition. Step 3: a interview and a isokinetic test Step 4: filling out this long ass government packet and calling them when I'm finished.

This is how far I am in the process. You have to pass every step before you continue on to the next and so far so good. Hopefully with all this work I get the job. It pays better than Hy-Vee. Also recently my fiance' lost his job.

Traveling the World

Contrary to popular belief. I REALLY want to travel. I always have. At some point in my life I seriously want to go all around the world. I just have to get financially stable first. I want to go back to London among other places. I don't think people truly know how much and how appealing traveling is to me. Once I've been married for a little bit, before I have kids, I wanna travel maybe with some friends or whoever. I might even go by myself. Thats how serious I am. Just a random note.

Mushy Stuff 2

It is rare that I actually feel inspired to write with all my emotions. This is one of those times. I love my fiancee so much. I've reached a point where its become comfortable and I feel that I am working on the things I need to change. Everyday I'm more sure of how much I love and want to spend my life with this man. That being said, I feel guilty at times because I want to take him away from his family. I know his family will always be around, I guess I'm just ready for it to be about us. I know that would entail me taking more responsibility in the relationship. That is something I am willing to do. Although I feel I'm not truly prepared. When I'm actually put in the situation, I think that I will flourish. I am ready to ultimately be a wife. I feel I'm more mentally prepared than anything. I just have to get actions in sync with the mental.

Bucket List: Draft 1

I was watching a youtube video and it inspired me to make my bucket list. This will be a prelimary short version as I have not thought it through all the way. I just wanted to get a couple ideas down. Well here goes.
1. Go to Michael Jackson's grave
2. Meet Denzel Washington

Music Monday

Love Lyfe he always has substance to his music and a good message.

Happy 100th to me!!

This is my 100th post by the way. I feel like a lot has developed but at the same time nothing at all since my last post. Well I managed to get a job interview at a bank and I took a test for another job for the state of Missouri. This is good but the return hasn't been nearly as great as the amount of jobs I applied for. Still I'm thankful for the interview.
In relationship news there have been talks of getting an apartment, saving for a wedding, and allocation of bills. Most of which have caused a series of arguments. The resulting conclusion I have made is that when it comes down to going the extra mile its gonna be up to me because it seems I can't depend on my other half....and that bothers me. Enough said.
I'm ready to get things moving in my life at a ...perhaps more accelerated pace. As soon as I get a job I'll be able to have a better outlook on how to move forward.

Growth

I feel I am growing as a individual. I am learning things about myself and how to change them. I am learning from the people in my life. I'm thankful for the people in my life. I feel like I am truly growing into an adult. I am learning how to forgive. Some things that in the past that have kept me from seeing the impact certain people have made in my life are no longer issues. From my fiancee' I'm learning to be selfless instead of selfish. The thing I really love about him is how it seems like he gives wholeheartedly. It almost amazes me. Truly. It seems like he always puts others before himself. This is something I have yet to master. I need to learn to be concerned for others more than myself. From him I am also learning how to love someone else. From him I am learning the importance of family. I'm learning forgiveness. For example it's father's day and my father has not been around since I was younger. I'm not at the point where I can totally forgive him but I feel like I am starting to not use it as a source of anger or of not caring. I'm starting to look at things from a different angle. It's a continual process. Growth.

Checklist

Well I'm happy to say I can check one thing off my checklist for grad school (mentioned in the previous blog)
1. License-complete
2. Car
3. Job
4. Grad School

Life (Caution: May be boring)

Being the self proclaimed insomniatic that I am and having not written a blog in a while here goes.
I am currently in summer school for my final semester as a undergrad. I graduate July 29th and I must say I'm excited. Another thing that I'm excited about is being accepted into graduate school at Avila University. There I plan to get my masters in Counseling Psychology and become a Licensed Professional Counselor. But in the meantime, I have a few things to get done: 1. Get my license this month 2. Get a car 3. Get a job (to pay for grad school) 4. Attend grad school. I am on a time limit because I want to have goals 1-3 done before grad school starts at the end of August.
On to other things. The fiance' and I are good. Still need to set a date for the wedding and what not. The fam keeps saying we need to set a date and start getting stuff together. What I'm concerned with is the money. Nothings free. My fiance' has bills he's paying loans, phone bill, car note, and other stuff. He can't really afford to move out. When I wanted to discuss ways he could save money and setting a date. He got all mad talkin bout he dont want me telling him what to do with his money. That was not my intent. I really just want us to start somewhere. I will contribute when I get a job. He acts like he can't start by his self. It frustrates me because I think that he is being kind of prideful. If I was the only one with income I would start saving for OUR future. I don't understand his issue. We've been engaged for a little over a year and have nothing accomplished not even a date set.

Music Monday

Good song

Would you rather date a lot of different people, or be in a committed relationship?

Definitely be in a committed relationship.

Ask me anything

Who and when was your first kiss?

Ooo sometime in elementary school.

Ask me anything

Sneakers or sandals?

I think I like sandals better.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/CourtneyJ87

TMI Tuesday #234 - Celeb Edition

Who is one celebrity you would like to:

Cuddle? Johnny Depp
Elope with? Denzel Washington
Love? Will Smith
Excite beyond words? Marlon Wayans
Bang? Brian White
See in bed with their current fling? Robin Thicke and Paula Patton

Bonus (optional):Tell us about one encounter (if any) that you've had with a celebrity.
Haven't really had any. I've seen Lil Romeo and John Sally from afar long ago.

Music Monday

I really like this song for some reason.

TMI Tuesday #233 - (Repost of #72)

TMI Tuesday #233 - (Repost of #72)

1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story?
Commando is sexy.It always best when one party or the other doesn't know your commando.

2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?
I think there is and at that point I call it teasing.....and I HATE being teased.

3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww?
It's good both ways but I like giving it better than recieving it. It gives me some control.

4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?
One is not nearby enough for me and he would not like if I just had one.

5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work."
Oh hell yes! I would have to say I like morning sex.

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least knowing your partner's last name?
Nope, never will. Not my my thing.

Music Monday

The cut for real!

TMI Tuesday-Sexual Healing

TMI Tuesday #231 - Sexual Healing

1. Name one thing that turns you on with unprecedented success.
Anything having to do with my breasts

2. Quick! Look around you and name 3 ordinary items that could be used sexually.
1. lotion 2. water bottle 3. camera

3. Do you consider sex good even if you don't orgasm?
sometimes

4. If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what sexual position or act would you like to experience from the other side?
I would like to experience head

5.Describe a sexual fantasy in 10 words or less.
rough passionate sex

Bonus (optional): Pretend you're a doctor and a patient has come in with an "ache". What is your course of "treatment"?
Ejaculation relieves all lifes worries.

Mushy Stuff

So I spent most of Spring Break with my fiancee'. It's so crazy how we don't like being apart. I know its sickening to some people. I love him so much. This weekend it seems like its been getting deeper. He tells me how happy he is and it feels good. I feel like we've reached a new level. I can honestly say I want to spend my life with him.
On a side note: I been getting wild lately with the drinkin and doing and thinking things I shouldn't. But when I sober up I think about how much I would loose if I acted upon anything. Cuz honestly I have a good man. And it makes me appreciate him so much more.
Thats also why I need to slow down on the drinkin and what not because god forbid I do something I shouldn't. It wouldn't be worth it.
He takes care of me and I know he will be a good husband and provider. I still need to work on my part of the deal, because I don't really cook. I also saw Why did I get Married Too? In the movie something happens that made me think that I need to get our myself because in the end it doesn't matter.

Love Still Scares Me

So I was talking to my roommate today and she was talking about her ex and what not. We get to the end of the conversation and she says, "I love you." I hesitate because I don't know what to say. Love is serious whether its a friend or not. It's not something that I just throw around. In the end I said it back. But it got me thinking, I felt like scared to say back because 1. I really don't know you. 2. I didnt want to hurt her feelings by not sayin it. You would think that since I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years love would not seem so foreign to me.
But ultimately love still scares me.

Molly's

Molly's is the club at my school that everyone goes to. It's crackin on Thursdays. So I went yesterday. As usual I got my drinks and hit the floor. This particular night was kind of special because our friends had just turned 19 so it was their first time being able to go. The night started off kind of slow until I started feeling the drinks. I was dancing and not having a care in the world. At the end of the night I had danced with 5 dudes an all time high for me. One of the dudes included FINE. Now this whole semester we've went to Mollys and never danced together. I was off in a corner adjusting myself and taking off my shoes (so if any future prospects approached I could get down). FINE says, "Come here Courtney" and I was happy to oblige. I turned around and we danced for a song that seemed too short.

I just want to take this moment to say that FINE does some things to me that I can't explain. I just see him and I think dirty thoughts. He makes me wish I was single again.

Any who, we finished dancing and I went about my business. The club ended and we tried to find an after party. The one we heard about ended up being wack so we went back to the room. Getting in at around 2:30am.
In the morning I woke up for my eight o'clock class and was barely tired.

Music Monday

Guilty Pleasure ;)

Hotel, Lap dances, and the Liq

So Friday my Spring Break officially began. I left campus with my roommate. Our plan was to drop off my girl then hit up this hotel party. We went to the Get it Girls house to drop her off. We chilled there for a minute, then we made a trip to Apple Market to get some liquor. Our usual liquor of choice is UV which is 30 percent. They did not have UV so we left with a bottle of Smirnoff which is 40 percent. Needless to say I was kind of apprehensive. After what seemed like years of driving we finally made it to the hotel. When we walked in there were like a bunch of dudes and 1 other girl besides us. I was like this is gonna be wack. I didn't want to get drunk around all these people I didn't know so I was kinda cautious at first. My roommate went ahead and hit the bottle. She was definitely getting tipsy. I felt I had to supervise with all these unknown n****s around. But they left eventually and I got loose. There were 2 dudes we knew there. One was the birthday boy the other....F-I-N-E!!! Any who I eventually got gon enough to give birthday boy a lap dance. Which I'm pretty sure was to his liking. Then I asked for a lap dance from FINE. I sat in the chair and he was like get on the bed. I was like coo. Thinking it would be him just backing it up on me. Booy was I wrong. He got between my legs and began to grind. Did I mention he was in his draws? Well he flipped me to the side back and forth. He needed to stop playin because man he could get it right then and there. After it was over I tried to regain my composure. Him, my roommate, and I went to the gym and was playin around. He kept feelin on us and trying to come with us into the bathroom. The night ended with my roomie and I sleeping in one of the hotel beds together. The birthday boy let us have the bed and he slept on the couch. FINE slept in the other bed. We left early that morning.

St Pattys Day

Ok so I wasn't sure if I wanted to go out or not for St Pattys Day but I did. My roomie and I grabbed the UV thats illegally stored in our fridge on campus and headed to my friends off campus apartment. We drank a little. Played a little truth or dare which involved me taking off my bra and humping the fridge. Then we went to go meet up with my roommates friend that came up. We went to this seemingly abandoned house in the boondocks of Maryville.
It started off kinda slow. I didn't think I was gonna have fun because it was mostly WPs. But then a game of beer pong got started which I played for the first time. I had already been sipping on the UV. I was definitely feeling myself by the time I left.
Ok so the whole plan was that we were going to go to Mug Night at this bar called the Palms. This game of beer pong and what not was not originally part of the plan. So we get to Mug Night and of course I fill up.
At this point I think I'm officially drunk.
We chill there for a little bit. Then we go to burger king. I'm in the car spilling all my deepest desires. Using all kinds of expletives. I was texting the "Get it Girl" all night asking her to come over because I wanted to feel on her booty. She was like she was scared.....and boi she shoulda been. But she ended up not coming over and it was probably for the best. I got back to the room and was knocked. I snored like never before. This was the best St Pattys Day ever!!

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Just a thought.....where have Wednesday Weirdness and TMI Tuesday disappeared to?

Anywho, I don't really feel like writing out a long detailed blog so I'ma just cut to the chase.

The relationship is still going great. We've had talks of trying some new things...I'll leave it at that. Those I've talked to know what it is.

I'm still in school, spring break is at the end of this week. So far I'm on track for summer graduation. Although, I do want to raise a few grades. I also managed to make a few good homies. We kick it too hard.

Speaking of friends, one of my girls.....yea she could get it. I mean I already kinda did my experimenting thing in high school but boi! She keep playing and I'ma have to take it. All I have to say is don't let me get drunk strange things could happen.

Moving on to less happy things......

Lately, I've been wanting to delete this "friend" from my life. I thought I could wait til I graduated but.. uh.. she's pushing it. When we're together we don't really have that natural friend vibe, when we go to the bar she kills my buzz because she doesn't dance and she just talks. How I managed to put up with her these past 4 years I will never know. But it has to stop. I think that as of right now I made the executive decision to remove her from y life....she has just been deleted. Permanently.

Music Monday

My girl Nicki on the track.

Really like this song.

TMI Tuesday #223 - Masturbation Edition

TMI Tuesday #223 - Masturbation Edition
1. When you masturbate, how long, typically, is your session and what do you think about (other than having an orgasm)?
It usually doesn't take long if im doing it right. I think about my husband.

2. Have you ever been "caught" masturbating?
Nope Im a pro

3. Have you ever masturbated in front of your computer? If 'yes' was it for your own purposes or for someone's viewing pleasure?
Yes for my own

4. Have you ever attended a group masturbation party? Same-sex or mixed?
HELL NO

5. When masturbating, as you reach orgasm, do you continue to stimulate yourself without interruption, or do you stop and apply pressure until your spasms subside? Or?
It depends on how Im feeling but most the time I just ride it out.

6. Have you ever video'ed yourself while masturbating (solo)? Where are they now?
No

Bonus (as in optional): How often do you use the word "fuck" (or its derivatives) in casual conversation - frequently, occasionally, rarely, never.
I rarely use. Only when I'm drunk lol

Music Monday

Cut






Mario is SEXY. AND he's having a threesome.

Time For Change

A lot of things have went on that don't have the energy to talk about right now but what I do wanna talk about is my husband. He has applied for numerous promotions (at least 18) at his job and has been passed up eveytime. It really frustrates me that he keeps not getting them. Especially when I know he's good at what he does. He likes to be the best and he is. But he can't seem to get promoted and he is emotionally drained. He used to be the first at work and the last one to leave. He used to motivate others to do better but lately he's been coming in late , texting me countdowns of how much time he has left at work because he's ready go, he's starting to not care. He wants to find a new job and I can't blame him. He gets no appreciation because he was working hard when no one else cared. So he's gonna look into a job as teacher and maybe go back to school. It's definitely time for a change.

TMI Tuesday

Would you rather.....

1. Have eyes that always smile or a voice that makes people calm?
Eyes that smile...idk why but I like my eyes

2. Have an affair and your partner catches you or your partner have an affair and you catch him/her?
Id rather catch my partner having an affair because then id know. And I can take the appropriate action

3. Have better sex or more money?
More money

4. Be able to read everyone’s mind all the time or always know the future?
Read peoples mind definitely. I like knowing peoples true motives

5. Your partner have sex with someone else or fall in love with someone else?
This is a toughy. If we mean sex in the way its viewed nowadays. Then Id rather him have sex with someone else because that doesn't necessarily mean anything outside of the moment. Love is a serious decision that requires emotional connection.

Bonus (as in optional): What one thing, big or small, would you change in your life if granted one wish by a lamp-bound genie? Why?
Another toughy and I can not honestly think of one thing at the moment. Though I know there are many.

Music Monday

Like this song. Especially my girl Nicki Minaj

Another cut I like